One of the kindest warnings about how to behave and avoid Santa’s anthracite comes from English lad Rob Lord a scorer of films (from Pumpkinhead 4 Blood Feud to I Am Durán) whose tinkly experimentation of tune soothes and refreshes. “Bag of Coal” is the childish hope edged with concern that Xmas will go well. Relax, kid. You got this.
The threat of coal in your Christmas stocking measures a culmination of your evils set on a balance ‘gainst your goods.
Mocking those with Christianity on their lips but not in their hearts, Delores Dagenals almost apologetically strums out the folk denouncement “Stockings Full of Coal.” Yeah, you better listen!
Also turning the lump of coal story on its ore, David Dondero folk rocks us the tale of the tormented trannie who inspires us to fling the middle finger to those who have purported this intolerant age. How do you like them briquettes, the man? “Samantha’s Got a Bag of Coal” only touches on a Christmas tradition without being a true carol, but please sing along for the spirit of the season. Thank you.
Now that girls have been mentioned, let’s allow they can ride and rope and rape the environment like their white counterparts.
The English Brothers pick and grin and yodel up a bit of fun with “Cowboy and Cowgirl Christmas.” Cattle’s out of the bag.
Nevada Slim and Cimmaron Sue depict the hard life of a “Cowgirl’s Christmas.” She’s all alone, you see, so it’s tough. Quiet, unplugged pathos.
Well, let’s welcome them back for a more upbeat wanna-be dream. “The Cowgirl who Lost Her Jingle” is the bouncy tale of a li’l one who outgrew her boots. Don’t fret, we’ll wrangle a happy ending out of this muddle (no, it’s not sexist, i swear).
A birthday song can just be Hey. Even for the Messiah. I mean, hosannah.
You may have caught Nassiri earlier here with his opulent routine “Happy Birthday Jesus.” Raga just opens up more possibilities.
Kurtis Parks and friends folk around with happiness and the whole nativity story in “A Christmas Birthday.” Kids all sing along ‘cuz it’s fun.
Celebrating the opposite of faith, some kids observe the birth of Sir Isaac Newton on twelve/twenty-five. I say kids ‘cuz so many students make music videos for extra credit in their physics class.
For example Francesca DiMare and Mary Pyrdol jumping a lot to ‘JBells’ and singing out “Newtonmas.” There oughta be a law, or three.
An original (short) amateur bit celebrates “Newtonmas SOTU 305.” Pabrizzer is an Australian ukulele maestro and senior member of Ukulele Underground who conjures short sweet oddities (i suppose SOTU is Song of the Universe, not State of the Union).
Jim Beloff is the entrepreneur of Flea Market Music a movement to put a ukulele in every pot by Christmas. His own music, in the case of “When You’re Born on Christmas Day,” is a smash-up of folk, blues, pop, and something that always feels Hawaiian to me. Nice noodling on the little box, but also nice imagining about the other holiday-birthday coincidences. Just celebrate, mate!
This Dick Tracy telecommunications video chat popped up early ’00s, but picked up an audience by 2010. Millions do it.
Joe Bello wants to know “Why Don’t We Skype for Christmas?” Grandpa folk on the uke doesn’t sound like trying to hard or weird aged cool, but an earnest plea to connect with you, loved one. Yodeling.
The nights are long, the computer is bright. What will you look up to pass the time around Xmas?
“The Ballad of Michael Caine” is barely a Christmas song, but it’s on a lovely Christmas album from Tony Thaxton. And it’s what we all do, but now it’s to pop folk.
Computing devices have been around since the Bible (when was that?!), but the electro-version that has become our beneficent overlord kicks out in the 1930s (thanks, WWII). Most every bit of tech we will concern ourselves with in our little timeline hereafter is some weird descendant of this mechanical thinking apparatus. So let’s sing!
Brian Gari admits “I Want a Computer for Christmas” with retro shu-bop rock naming all the components, cuz it’s funnier that way.
Joe Algeri has a precious folk/pop ode to “Computer Xmas.” I dig the dial-up intro, psychedelic outro, and can’t-turn-off-the-drum-machine interlude. Dynamite stuff.
Where would Christmas be without television? In the home, individual, special. Instead, we have the homogenized milky white dreams that all see when we close our eyes. Ahh, America.
Oh, i’ve supplied you with Xmas on TV type songs before. There’s always a couple more….
The Skootles point out (with alt-jingle bell) that “Christmas on TV” is not the same as reality. It’s rather soothing, think i’ll just turn my mind off for a minute–
Justin Lacy serenades us in that’s-not-quite-english folk with a hope for better. He wants a “Christmas on TV” then it’ll all be better. Then he woke up.