Year-round Yuletide oddities
The back four reindeer tend to disappear into the pack. Is Comet just a flash in the pan?
The Tim Allen contributions to Xmas tend to wander off base with repetition, So ‘The Santa Clause II’ isn’t so terrible as it might be. The animatronic reindeer attempt to steal scenes, ‘cuz the Toolmaster is mostly straight man. SMC tries to jazz up the comic routine of the overindulgent candy-vore by DJ mishing up the dialogue with electronica. “Comet” is party wallpaper with an edge.
Many of these interjections are softened forms of taking the Lord’s name in vain. (In vanity, which means you done cussed for your own selfish ends, not for the prayer’s worth of it.)
Family of the Year get behind “OMG It’s Christmas” with a soft rock/pop slurry of fun. They believe.
Speaking of belief–Ty Hunter’s “Oh My God” is that country music wordplay thing that’s the thinking bubba’s headscratcher. It’s pithy and punny and pious. And a waltz!
Less produced, more devout: “Oh My God It’s Christmas” by Randolph Steed and his trusty banjo in his den.
Brendan Ashton gets quieter and more sardonic with his hipster poem “Oh My God It’s Christmas Again.” Plenty of talent un Der that reindeer onesie.
The Gamer of Blood War (Ellis) has cobbled together a little sump’n sump’n of a song entitled “Oh My God It’s Christmas.” This was inspired by a zombie shooting vid-game, and it gets a little BLUE (quite a few songs exclaim ‘Oh -[expetive deleted] – it’s Chrismuzz!’ which have already floated to the top of the blog before now but attain goodness not by repetition). Electronica.
It doesn’t feel like any other time of anticipation: not for taking your MCATs, not for getting pulled over, not for losing your virginity… waiting for Xmas is a uniquely great expectation. So let’s explore the underrepresented in music.
A Christmas musical so odd MST3K spoofed it, ‘Christmas That Almost Wasn’t’ ends with the song “Nothing to Do But Wait,” wherein shopkeeper Sam (Paul Tripp) with Santa hold their breaths hoping the children will save the holiday. Showtune anger. I guess. YOU describe it then.
Hard banging garage whispering “Can’t Hardly Wait” weirds me out. Soft or hard? Good or bad? BIG HIT, help me understand.
Proper sitar psychedlia from Dimentia 13 melts your apprehension into a world without time. “Christmas Comes to Those Who Wait” must be consumed in a neutral-colored place of comfort with friends near by.
Late addition recommended from Pete the Elf: the 1958 kookiest entry from Tommy Christy “All are Waiting for Christmas.” The skinny and fat ones. too. AKA ‘The Christmas “Name” Song,’ ‘cuz he calls the kids names… For kidsong that’s really yikes!
Electronic psychedelia volleys the oddity into your court. Brad & Barry make “I Can’t Wait for Christmas Time” feel like i can’t wait for the ketamine to kick in. Whoa.
Tell me it’s not so! Mall Santa’s touching!!
No Assumption metalicizes the pedophilic tendencies of the giving oldster with their “Mall Santa.” They’ll none of it.
The Buglies dramatize that nasty fiend with booming laughter in “Santa’s Lap Dance.” Excuse me while i go wash. Garage atonal porn.
Not exactly forgivin’, but appreciative, Lil Poverty Angels unload their word jazz electronic rap on “Santa’s a Dirty Old Man.”
How bad can mall Santa be? Let’s start at the bottom.
G-Zeus X has a liltin’ folk pop ballad about the “Mall Santa” who wants to come over. But he’s creepin’ me out. What to do?
Cheetah Dave takes a closer look at the 1$ version in his “Outlet Mall Santa.” One eye, but many smells. Fun percussive garage family rock.
Those little light bulbs on a string for Jesus sure get me in a frisky mood. Baby.
Cody Joe Hodges country twists all the holiday catchphrases into double entendres in “Tangled in the Christmas Lights.” Whoa, Nelly, that’s a warm apple cider, that one is.
Julian Primeaux hoots lowly for his mood-setting “Christmas Lights in June.” Jazzy alt that melts in your hand as well as your mouth.
James Kolchaka Superstar somehow commingles those “Beautiful Christmas Lights” with coveting thy neighbor’s wife. Experimental breezy fun. [The BLUE ALERT random electronic rap on this theme is “Christmas Lights” by Nessley, mentioned here as a postscript only. Sheesh!]
Adults like the bells of Christmas, too. Some make songs about their musicality. A couple of those songs aren’t very nice about life.
Sha Na Na is pretty doo top about life. “Christmas Bells” go ding ding-a-ding ding for them. Ahhh.
Willie Kalikimaka (Willie K) is pretty upbeat about his “Christmas Bells,” almost childish. But that strong Hawaiian rock beat thrashes it up pretty good. Parental supervision is advised for a good time.
Hard Call Christmas raps about times that are ‘hard as hell.’ “My Christmas Bells” recounts the probs with urban holiday celebrating. And–the bells. (Wait, is that a sex reference?!) BLUE. ALERT!
DJ Fire “Twerkith on These Bells“–which is more of a dance background than a statement. But, that statement woulda been mean. Electronica to twitch the toe.
Just supposing the end of all Xmas, what else could we be?
The so-called Christmas Collective raps the worry “If Christmas Got Cancelled.” Yeah, i get it. Okay, okay already.
Tunnel Tribe gives us a reason to rejoice despite the worst of no-times with “If Christmas was Cancelled,” a lively electro-pop synth of hope. Thanx!
Some can’t wait for Christmas to be done and no more.
The Universal monsters (aka Christmas Party Players) shindig to the end of joy from the Monster Christmas Mash album with “It’s Christmas or Us,” a groovy children’s party stomper that levels an ultimatum at the wee ones.
“When will Christmas be Over” is the experimental garage funkiness you cross the street to avoid, be just get your hipster on for a moment and let lunaMe lead you down the tinkly childlike road of despair and disappointment in which Xmas is better gone than had. (Special link help for those who’d like to read the lyrics or buy this diamond in the rough.)