Category Archives: electronic

Yee Haw-liday: cowboy intro

Something gets all mixed up while hearing the Nativity story with the animals we tolerated and then 19th C wild west taming the frontier with the meat products we walked across the plains. I guess Christmas is an appropriation off the cradle of civilization and cowboys are an Americanization from Mexican vaqueros. Since we’re a country of borrowers, wrangler holiday seems red white and blue to me, too. ‘Course it might only be white suburban boys (‘A Christmas Story’) wantin’ to grow up to be froze to death. So strap on the chaps and saddle up pronto, the prairie awaits.

[But NO spoken poetry! Sorry, Baxter Black.]

Brad Stubbs honors the concept with his “Cowboy Christmas Song,” a pokey country ambler with charm and a whiff of manure.

But we’d best get ironical for a moment lest we lose sight of this site. Pokin’ fun is better than reverence any day. Any one can fall on their knees, but i prefer to pull down the pants of some officiate whilst doing so. So James H. Carter II, Mark Vignoli serenade you with “Crazy Cowboy Christmas,” an experimental cacophony of chimes and growls which might express the true spirit of the open range.

Xmas Tech Support: Wikipedia

Whereas if you use Google you get ads; if you use Wikipedia to research you get whatever fabrication it amused the last contributer to append.

Worth repeating are Bill & Sam’s “Kwanzaa Song” just to teach you the evils of the computers and leisure time.

“Wikipedia Chanukah” samples Leonard Nimoy for Jonathan Coulton’s own comedic means to explain the history of this Jewish holiday. It adds his usual puckish electronica for full play. Not a song. But hella fun.

Xmas Tech Support: internet

The World Wide Web is basically the world today. Can’t live without out it. It’s the door opening to the singularity. Let’s go in!

“Dot Com All Ye Faithful” is that old fashioned parody that still thinks online services are just for shopping. The Christmas Pranksters aren’t nearly as menacing with their prophecy as they think from 2009.

If it’s on the internet is it real? Time to rewrite that letter, Virginia, ‘cuz “(I’m Only an) Internet Santa” is the jazzy easy listening supposition from Cybercats. 30 year old glee club sound, so pretty chill.

Skooma Cat reveals the gloom and doom of those who celebrate “Christmas on the Internet.” Hard driving lonely guy pop. Plug in, turn on, unfocus.

Domain 7 parties out electronica-ly with “Merry Christmas, Internet.” Most all the latest fads are noted here for you to dance to: ‘they put that Rudolph on the Doodle.’ Get download, get fun-keyboard.

Xmas Tech Support: atomic aside

Not precisely a means of wishing Merry Christmas, the splitting of the atom still added a chilly air to all humankind. At least o couple of songs celebrate this big bother for the holidays.

Oh, sure, there’s ‘Weird Al’ Yankovic with the 1986 novelty standard “Christmas at Ground Zero.” This jump jazz still holds up the humor standard even after excessive plays.

Perhaps you could try the nihilistic minimal pop of Goop, instead. “Nuclear Xmas” is the Devo-tastic tune that electronically gets us bobbing and clapping to Armageddon. ‘Nuff said.

And a Party in a Pear Tree: desperate

Some parties stink of uncoolness.

The Withers score with more up-to-the-minute pop parodies in their “Christmas Party.” BLUE ALERT it threatens your attendance.

Yet the promises of ‘jello, red angry jello’ make us consider it–even if we’re the only ones to show up. Please follow the bouncing Santa into Koo Koo Kang Roo’s “Please Come to My Christmas Party” to see for yourself. It’s synthed retro pop, so dress accordingly (elf suit!).

WAR! neutral corner

Let’s call the whole thing awful and celebrate Something. (Or is that what they want you to think?)

Leave it to Devo to defuse the bomb with “Merry Something to You,” an inclusive electronic welcoming mat of weirdness. Deedle deedle deet dee.

WHAT ELSE? Chaka Kwan

There are enough black in the USA that it’s not all straight-up straight laced. Black culture includes Republicans, thugs, choirboys, and brain surgeons. So. Are there outlier Kwanzaa songs? How weird does it get?

Kev Choice tries cacaphonous rap with his “Kwanzaa Song.” Sounds like anyone who could pick up an instrument did. But it’s upfront.

Deuce the Emcee samples out trad R+B Xmas music to back his mad rap “Harambee It’s Kwanzaa.” Seizure inducing.

Pop tribal from Steve Cobb & Chavunduka, “It’s Kwanzaa Time” starts out sweetly, then comes the frogmouth (is that s’pose pass for Louis Armstrong?), then the motor-rap (Bobby McFerrin?). Cartoon values for the season. Drum solo for an anticlimactic finish.

Georgia Anne Muldrow gets experimental pop with layered vocals and bells, bells, bells in “The Kwanzaa Song.” (I wish creative oddness extended into title making.)

Experimental reggae from Luqmann Ruth, “Kwanzaa Song” is inspirational, recreational, and crazy weird.

ReduXmas: Anthropomorphic Snow Sculptures

More Xmas adjacent subject matter. I figured snowmen would be a week out of the month of snow songs, but they are never-ending. I even got a book about their history (last Christmas). (Apparently elaborate sculpting was much more the style until just over a hundred years ago.) And they’re such nice stand-ins for all aspects of humanity.

E.g. “Chris Farren’s Disney’s Frozen” by loveable nudnik Chris Farren (feat. Anika Pyle & Sean Bonnette). Funky folk about a naive young lover. Kwicher bitchin. (Caution: no corporate mouses were harmed in the lyricizing of this song.)

Other famous snowmen are riffed in Heywood Banks’s “Frosty the Bluesman.” One chill dude.

More hauntingly high pitched, Steven Courtney conducts children choir through “Snowman on the Hill.” Family life beckons, what will you choose?

The Withers roll up the parody pitch here with their “Frosty.” Spooky! Dusty!

Nasty time with Matt Roach. “Frosty’s Carrot Stick” is about a tuff roller who’s alt ready to get into it. Chill!

Continuing to dude up the demographic comes Dr. BLT. “Chillin’ with Frosty” is some funky fun.

Dumb anti-semitism from The Bob and Tom Show with “Irving the Snowman.” It writes itself!

Even more bro-tastic, Jesse Maximum, JMaq of Shark Uppercut, cuts up with “Frosty the Bro Man,” a hip hop gnarly duke out, and then synths up “Metal Frosty” as the nightmare you weren’t prepared for.

Naughty Not Nice (BLUE ALERT)

From the feminine viewpoint, sex can be measured in disappointment. And no better example is that of underrated Mrs. Claus. Does she even have a name? (Well, but, how many?!)

SNL’s Aidy Bryant showcases a “Please Skip Christmas” song about her neglectedness. Nice try.

Brazzers (uh oh) presents “A Lonely Milf at Christmas,” a not-so-blue jazz number with an extended intro and overlong outro and middling talent (Kagney Linn Carter).

With even less quality, but more depravity comes Rico Loco and “A Booty Call for Mrs. Claus.” Country Western porn.

I believe we’ve basked in the superior parody of Bob Rivers’s “Me and Mrs. Claus.” Giggle giggle.

Tau is into “Ms. Claus” and goes electropop to raise your eyebrows. Re-owr.

Igniting the Yule Log

Let’s keep you in the mood with even more exciting Xmas tunes that’ll lift your pants.

Allstarbandit elctro-Djs “Dirty Horney (Under the Misteltoe)” as a dance experiment in lusting up the joint. I give it a 7, Johnny: i don’t unnerstanem, but i can bump2it.

“Horny at the Holidays” by dadaists Barnes & Barnes might cool your jets. Ironic eroticism is curious, but offputting.

Santastic is a labor of love by DJs, mashup artists, and the like, sampling all the hits to recreate new experiences for you and yours at the holidays. Mousee T and The Dandy Warhols are spliced up for “Horny Christmas” as doctored up by Loo & Placido off the Santastic 6 album. It’s easier to just lissen up.