Category Archives: electronic

Waiting for Weird

It doesn’t feel like any other time of anticipation: not for taking your MCATs, not for getting pulled over, not for losing your virginity… waiting for Xmas is a uniquely great expectation. So let’s explore the underrepresented in music.

A Christmas musical so odd MST3K spoofed it, ‘Christmas That Almost Wasn’t’ ends with the song “Nothing to Do But Wait,” wherein shopkeeper Sam (Paul Tripp) with Santa hold their breaths hoping the children will save the holiday. Showtune anger. I guess. YOU describe it then.

Hard banging garage whispering “Can’t Hardly Wait” weirds me out. Soft or hard? Good or bad? BIG HIT, help me understand.

Proper sitar psychedlia from Dimentia 13 melts your apprehension into a world without time. “Christmas Comes to Those Who Wait” must be consumed in a neutral-colored place of comfort with friends near by.

Late addition recommended from Pete the Elf: the 1958 kookiest entry from Tommy Christy “All are Waiting for Christmas.” The skinny and fat ones. too. AKA ‘The Christmas “Name” Song,’ ‘cuz he calls the kids names… For kidsong that’s really yikes!

Electronic psychedelia volleys the oddity into your court. Brad & Barry make “I Can’t Wait for Christmas Time” feel like i can’t wait for the ketamine to kick in. Whoa.

Mall World: pedo

Tell me it’s not so! Mall Santa’s touching!!

No Assumption metalicizes the pedophilic tendencies of the giving oldster with their “Mall Santa.” They’ll none of it.

The Buglies dramatize that nasty fiend with booming laughter in “Santa’s Lap Dance.” Excuse me while i go wash. Garage atonal porn.

Not exactly forgivin’, but appreciative, Lil Poverty Angels unload their word jazz electronic rap on “Santa’s a Dirty Old Man.”

Mall World: creep

How bad can mall Santa be? Let’s start at the bottom.

G-Zeus X has a liltin’ folk pop ballad about the “Mall Santa” who wants to come over. But he’s creepin’ me out. What to do?

Cheetah Dave takes a closer look at the 1$ version in his “Outlet Mall Santa.” One eye, but many smells. Fun percussive garage family rock.

Sex Lights

Those little light bulbs on a string for Jesus sure get me in a frisky mood. Baby.

Cody Joe Hodges country twists all the holiday catchphrases into double entendres in “Tangled in the Christmas Lights.” Whoa, Nelly, that’s a warm apple cider, that one is.

Julian Primeaux hoots lowly for his mood-setting “Christmas Lights in June.” Jazzy alt that melts in your hand as well as your mouth.

James Kolchaka Superstar somehow commingles those “Beautiful Christmas Lights” with coveting thy neighbor’s wife. Experimental breezy fun. [The BLUE ALERT random electronic rap on this theme is “Christmas Lights” by Nessley, mentioned here as a postscript only. Sheesh!]

Musical Bells

Adults like the bells of Christmas, too. Some make songs about their musicality. A couple of those songs aren’t very nice about life.

Sha Na Na is pretty doo top about life. “Christmas Bells” go ding ding-a-ding ding for them. Ahhh.

Willie Kalikimaka (Willie K) is pretty upbeat about his “Christmas Bells,” almost childish. But that strong Hawaiian rock beat thrashes it up pretty good. Parental supervision is advised for a good time.

Hard Call Christmas raps about times that are ‘hard as hell.’ “My Christmas Bells” recounts the probs with urban holiday celebrating. And–the bells. (Wait, is that a sex reference?!) BLUE. ALERT!

DJ Fire “Twerkith on These Bells“–which is more of a dance background than a statement. But, that statement woulda been mean. Electronica to twitch the toe.

ël-No, the tenth

Just supposing the end of all Xmas, what else could we be?

The so-called Christmas Collective raps the worry “If Christmas Got Cancelled.” Yeah, i get it. Okay, okay already.

Tunnel Tribe gives us a reason to rejoice despite the worst of no-times with “If Christmas was Cancelled,” a lively electro-pop synth of hope. Thanx!

ël-No, the ninth

Some can’t wait for Christmas to be done and no more.

The Universal monsters (aka Christmas Party Players) shindig to the end of joy from the Monster Christmas Mash album with “It’s Christmas or Us,” a groovy children’s party stomper that levels an ultimatum at the wee ones.

“When will Christmas be Over” is the experimental garage funkiness you cross the street to avoid, be just get your hipster on for a moment and let lunaMe lead you down the tinkly childlike road of despair and disappointment in which Xmas is better gone than had. (Special link help for those who’d like to read the lyrics or buy this diamond in the rough.)

No-Go

The trouble with not giving presents may bring a curse upon you that will last longer than the pain of not getting any presents.

That’s what i get from occasional music youtuber Sukadikani’s “A Christmas Warning.” Pay heed to this pop hymn of worrisome-osity.

Yee Haw-liday: cowboy intro

Something gets all mixed up while hearing the Nativity story with the animals we tolerated and then 19th C wild west taming the frontier with the meat products we walked across the plains. I guess Christmas is an appropriation off the cradle of civilization and cowboys are an Americanization from Mexican vaqueros. Since we’re a country of borrowers, wrangler holiday seems red white and blue to me, too. ‘Course it might only be white suburban boys (‘A Christmas Story’) wantin’ to grow up to be froze to death. So strap on the chaps and saddle up pronto, the prairie awaits.

[But NO spoken poetry! Sorry, Baxter Black.]

Brad Stubbs honors the concept with his “Cowboy Christmas Song,” a pokey country ambler with charm and a whiff of manure.

But we’d best get ironical for a moment lest we lose sight of this site. Pokin’ fun is better than reverence any day. Any one can fall on their knees, but i prefer to pull down the pants of some officiate whilst doing so. So James H. Carter II, Mark Vignoli serenade you with “Crazy Cowboy Christmas,” an experimental cacophony of chimes and growls which might express the true spirit of the open range.

Xmas Tech Support: Wikipedia

Whereas if you use Google you get ads; if you use Wikipedia to research you get whatever fabrication it amused the last contributer to append.

Worth repeating are Bill & Sam’s “Kwanzaa Song” just to teach you the evils of the computers and leisure time.

“Wikipedia Chanukah” samples Leonard Nimoy for Jonathan Coulton’s own comedic means to explain the history of this Jewish holiday. It adds his usual puckish electronica for full play. Not a song. But hella fun.