Some things can be counted–

Tom Grant underplays how small we are “Under a Million Lights“–lots of metaphorical maundering about being better. The spirit is holiday, but the flesh is showtune.

Mama’s got a million lights to put up, according to Aaron Tippin’s home-grown rocking country “Mama’s Getting Ready for Christmas.”

Also under those million lights is YOU ‘cuz “Christmas is Starting Now” at least so see Big Bad Voodoo Daddy with perfect swing-copation.

When “Santa Writes Home” he admits to turning off those million lights, but mostly he misses the Missus. Country ballideering via Dan Sullivan.

Plank Road Publishing returns with a minor ditty, “A Million Little Snowflakes,” this time smaller and more mortal than us, but more seasonal for the killings to sing. And cry about.

Those million snowflakes don’t distract love in a “Snowfall” as sung by Someday Cafe.

Those million snowflakes do shut down the town in Scott Scovill’s (feat Lisa Ell) “Snow Day.” Busy piano country.

People leave work around the holidays and journey home, the place where they hailed from. It’s the stuff of biting family comedy (along with trains and automobiles). Let’s sing–but in a courteous sotto voce so we don’t get Air Marshals coming after us.

Steve Dafoe claims “I’m Flying Home for Christmas” in the weakest folk pop possible. Strum, mutter, strum cliche. Ho humbug.

J.Dub (feat. Sheena Robinson & Monay) plaintively rap about the need to return to the nest in “Flying Home for Christmas.” It’s smooth soul rap, so it softens the homesickness.

Driving pop from TobyMac points the lovelorn in the right direction as in “Bring on the Holidays.” The flight is only the initial arm of the journey, but still–gotta find something pretty to listen to.

Likewise the home-centric reflections of the country bluegrass “Christmas Time at Home” from Rhonda Vincent. Still, it starts with flying.

Living Voices goes full Lawrence Welk with “Flying Home for Christmas.” The schmaltz, the corn, the maudlin mistiness… it’s an ambience you couldn’t cut with a candelabra.

Then there’s the grounding of the flying reindeer. No, no, not tonight of all nights!!

Fiery boogie woogie from Sue Keller worries “My Reindeer Don’t Like to Fly.” Excuses, excuses, a five, six, seven, eight!

Cornball kiddie assembly singalong “Why Can’t All Reindeer Fly” doesn’t tread new ground. But you can keep the beat.

Rick Brown calypsos a dreamy downer “Santa Couldn’t Fly on Christmas Eve.” It was one of those Dickens ghosts making you appreciate the world you didn’t care about until it was gone. Or, was it a Capra angel?

Now Jimmy Dean’s “Little Sandy Sleighfoot” has skied by before. And i’m not so sure this is a reindeer we’re talking about, but deformities are all welcome in the pool of heroes who save Christmas for Santa.

Scott Fagan has a children’s operetta concerning a lesser known sleigh puller “Sandy the Bluenosed Reindeer.” This easy listening country tinged honest effort raises the canon of Xmas music, but it’s not much to add to reindeer history too. The little dickens doesn’t like the cold. Case closed.

Let’s take the diminutive out of hooray, and leave it yay/yea.

3JS jolly out the Celtic with “Yay, It’s Christmas.” It’s a song, a dance, a drinking challenge, an exaltation.

“O Yea It’s Christmas” is nearly unintelligible soft pop from Tony Memmel. Little enthusiasm.

Now for a hard right turn.

Many jokesters make the case that ‘Die Hard’ is a Christmas movie by posting musical numbers about the holiday based on the plot points. In order:

Weak tea from Triple A whose “Yippee-Ki-Yay It’s Christmas” stumbles from lack of talent, timing, and wit. Next.

Paltry parody from Dave Goody “Have Yourself a Yippee-Ki-Yay Christmas.” But it ‘addresses’ the sequels.

Cutesy and bleeped, “It’s a Die Hard Christmas” from Bob and Tom show’s Bob Kevoian maintains it’s not Xmas until that exclamation is heard.

Teen Samurai has some ironically soft rock limning “Christmas Time at Nakatomi Plaza.” Nice, not naughty.

Nathan Messina’s “Yippee Ki Yay, Merry Christmas” suffers from living room dad jokes and a lack of production values. Better than i could do.

Blaise Guld’s valiant attempt “Yippe Ki Yay, Mother fucker, Merry Christmas” wins merit with more summary and some nice tunesmithing. Oh, BLUE ALERT.

Better songs begin with White Hot Secret’s “Yippee Ki Yay Merry Christmas.” Emerging rock, but it’s not about John McClain at all.

Nearly perfect, the raw blues number “Yippee-Ki-Yay” from Fortress of Attitude is the best song here. It’s just not the best ‘Die Hard’ Xmas song by a hair.

Jonnie Common’s “Yippee-ki-yay, Father Christmas” might be the most clever/best song along these lines. Make fists with yo’ toes, boy. The title is not sung, however, yet the wicked wordplay overqualified it to be here. Thanks

If you wait long enough, it’s Christmas. Then another. Then another. Then another (unless you’re dead–but then another).

Jay Stansfield (feat. SAY) messes up the wiggly pop alt with harmonica in “Another Christmas Day,” reducing a cheery tune to a thoughtful, reflective symposium.

J seduces with the R+B whisper-song “Another Christmas.” So, you should be ready, girl, for what he’s giving you. Mmm-mm.

Michael V. wants to know how seriously you take “Another Christmas Eve,” what with all the hidden feelings and the need for forgiving and–apparently–bookoo baggage he packs into his easy listening caroling.

Is it getting under your skin, yet: this endless repetition of Xmas? Does it sand your chaps, golly your wog, irk your twig? If not, then imagining listening to truly awful songs about it.

Crusty cornball country from Kelly Nolf & Wyndi Harp equate fundamental religion with romantic love in the ticktock strummer “I Believe Again.” No i don’t get it.

Is that ‘Swanee River’ smushed in to some odd carol by Donivc? Only you can decipher by listening to the unasked for “It’s Christmas Again.”

The Hamsters from Hell sling the blues in “Oh No It’s Christmas Again.” A handy rostrum of restroom graffiti taunts.

Cathy Jones queues up the choir with her trembling warble of “Once Again It’s Christmas.” I suppose the song is about something, but how is one to tell?

Old white guys have fun, too! (At everyone’s expense.) So let’s bite off a piece of easy listening mayo and chew, chew, chew.

Jimmie Rodgers lounges through “It’s Christmas Once Again.” That’s fair warning.

Talk-singing, Kenny Rogers sermonizes for the unenlightened in “Once Again It’s Christmas.” The harmonica doesn’t help your case, Ken.