Category Archives: eezee lisseneen

Jingle Bell breakdown

The ‘Jingle Bells’ juggernaut has bestowed upon us an industry of songs that aren’t the standard. And you can’t have an engaging story without some conflict. So let’s look at the broken bells a bit. Cry amongst yourselves.

“Ding-a-Ling the Christmas Bell” fell and broke his harmony, according to Lynn Anderson. 1971 was full of such ugly duckling lessons: don’t judge his horrid noise! He saves Santa!!

“The Bell that Couldn’t Jingle” was a 1962 number from Paul Evans, penned by Burt Bacharach. This time the handicapped kid gets a magic fix. And probably got an office job with people who invited him to their backyard bar-be-cues. Bobby Vinton tried this in 1964 with more talent (the same year The Baby Dolls swaddled it in bubble gum), Bobby Helms takes it down to country moroseness in ’65, then the Burt Bacharach Singers make a mess of it in 1968 (the same year Herb Alpert’s players enfolds it into cartoon fun)… hoo-boy let’s leave it at that.

Okay, okay ONE more. (It’s who i am.) The diva-like devotion to the over-orchestrated overly serious Catherine McKinnon version out-camps them all. Are you serious?! Just listen:

Void

Sometimes you get no Xmas presents ‘cuz you get no food, clothing, or shelter.

Poverty is pretty sad, pretty harmonic, and pretty syncopated in “Christmas Came Just the Same,” a smarmy Whoville country ballad that makes ‘came’ several unnecessary syllables.

Homeless homilies pepper the slightly more musical “I Have No Gifts” from Michael J Thoma. This tootles off the country pathos into easy listening with some unstoppable oboe. Spoiler: this song is the gift.

WAR! the stand(down)

Irony cuts both ways. While touting one idea beyond the pale, the humorist wishes to make the point that said idea is beyond okay. Yet, the sis and the boom and the bah waggle it in our face so tantalizingly. When you use sarcasm, first dig two graves.

Watkins & The Rapiers paint a pretty worst case scenario about when to wish what to whom with “Are You Man Enough (To Say Merry Christmas)?” The digs are torturous with the soft jazzy folk (Salvation Army influenced).

Horrible sopranos aren’t all tributes to Mike Douglas’s Mrs. Miller, but Dysfunctional Family featuring Metropolitan Melinda taking on the left with “Politically Correct Christmas” sure takes me back. This song gets made over for the Christian right here and there, but who’s getting poked after all?

It’s All Relative, the good stuff

I started out this month looking to compare Christmas novelty songs about loving family and loathing family. I’m going to have to admit the good outweighs the bad in quantity and quality. So let’s cap off the festivities with some coolcoolcool numbers i’ll listen to more than once.

Gene Wang leads a jazz ensemble in “Christmas Means Family” that knows how to set a mood. And the mood is good.

Here’s some new age dance music. The pagan party spirit of “Christmas in Your Family’s Arms” makes me think i can dance (i can’t really). Cheryl Hillier haunts my visions of sugarplums.

Pop country leaves me feelin’ empty inside. So imagine my surprise that Stephen Day’s “Family Christmas” uplifts me. Is it the blues underlying the tempo? Is it the irreverent folk? Gotta recommend.

Luigi Scaglione (later known by his performing name “Lou Monte”) hit with ‘Bella Notte’ and ‘Darktown Strutters’ Ball’ and is even known to Christmas novelty with ‘Dominick the Donkey.’ But “Christmas at Our House” is a saucy meatball of ethnic hammery. 1960 we all wished our family was that loving and close. Joe Dolce (the ‘Shaddup You Face’ guy) covers this even more sweetly (in 1981 when racism was more funny).

It’s All Relative, lovelovelove

If love had a center, it should be in the home. All the possibilities of growth, hope, being begin in a happy warm hearth. Christmas, we could wish, is the opportunity to express, share, and achieve the pinnacle of that completion.

Patch the Pirate (?!) creates a musical cartoon for the ears with “Christmas at Our House,” a religious orgasm of happy family time. Quaint kidsong.

Errol Brown electro-R+Bs “Family Christmas Time” to the pinnacle of ecstacy. Family is it, man. Nuthin’ better.

Soaring above the mundanity Ann Hampton Calloway (and sis Liz) praise and ask “God Bless My Family.” Not so much with the Christmas gathering, but a pretty good contribution to the spirit of the holiday.

It’s All Relative, past perfect

The best families are the ones we frame up in gauzy, filmy memories. Were they ever so golden? Who cares, nostalgia makes us real!

Peter Scales picks and grins “Christmas with Our Family” as a tribute to yesteryear. This alt folk gazes through amber to see great food, presents, and family in rosy hues. Sigh.

Poorly tracked so that the guitar drowns out the vocals (thank you) Dave Seely unthaws 1966 to jazz croon “The Family Christmas.” Sounds like a stroke.

The Four Preps are really old but sing about being young. Recall “The Family Time of Year” with them on the oldy oldies wavelength with old fashioned sentiment and expression that doesn’t mean much any more.

A real purdy piano noodle from Silent Film enlarges the past with “Christmas at Our House.” Then the violin and… i’m a mess! Poetic.

It’s All Relative, holy god

Family for Christmas might mean filling the pew out (hey, what’s the sound of bullet ricochets off church benches??). Mo’ people, mo’ prayers. Mass-ive!

Discover Worship has a kidsong to teach you the lineage of JC. Cute. But i can’t listen to “Jesus’ Family Tree” without thinking of Yakko’s State Capital song.

Lloyd Zuniga and Mary Murphy-Zuniga blend mom and dad voices for “A Family Christmas” that’s all about The One Way… and hot chocolate.

Can’t get enuf of the Mark Dubbeld family singing for the Fox 21 Morning News. This is the no-fear talent show local set belting out “Warm Family Christmas” as hard as God’ll let ’em. The more they mention The Savior, the bigger they smile!

It’s All Relative, the cooking

We’ve covered the casserole dishes repeatedly over the years, but food = family, unless you’re some heathen McDonalds-ite for Xmas.

Yumminess from Bing Crosby reprising “Christmas Dinner, Country Style.” Big band country curdled with square dance steps. But it’s all about family.

Encore for “Aunt Clara’s Christmas Casserole” a Ray Stevens/Andy Griffith har-de-har country comic mashup from Dann & Yeaney. Clean your plate!

Most inappropriate is the returning hit, “Grandma’s Christmas Dinner.” It’s folk/bluegrass black comedy from Paul and Storm. Be ready to run.

Dr. Duke Tomatoe offers a new dish with “Christmas at Grandma’s”–another comic take on emetic cuisine. Pop easy listening fun about family torture.

It’s All Relative, so proud

Is it just so wonderful to see all them again with love in their hearts and gifts in their laps? Are you turning to mush inside?

David DeBoy comedy brags about the family with the “Flegman Family Christmas Letter” using easy listening oomph. Ha!

Ritchie Remo seesaws his pop country doggerel into “Christmas Family.” I include this ‘cuz of the touch of killer fiddle and purdy tenor, but background only….

Just as metronomic, Lizzie West and Baba Buffalo praise/miss the warm hearth with their “Family Christmas.” Earnest folk tearjerking.

Nicholas Cunha plays the good son card with the well meant and talented “Family (An Original Christmas Song.” It’s serious as a loaf of bread.

It’s All Relative, bugs

Without the holidays you might never wad the kidlings into the SUV and trek all the way over to the ‘rents. It’s so much work to see ’em get older and more clueless; it’s so draining to put up with their expectations and judgments.

So here’s to the family! Love/hate ’em! And then turn into ’em!

Each day of this month we’ll listen to songs that thrive in the lap of mommy & daddy and then pit them against songs that howl about the dysmerogenetic dysfunctional dementia from the descendants. Winner takes all for 24hrs.

The Dropkick Murphys have already blessed us with “The Season’s Upon Us.” The unkind kin are trotted out celtic punk-style like unwashed laundry flags. Oi.

Buttered corn from 1959 serves up Dennis Day fresh from The Jack Benny Show warbling “Christmas is For the Family.” More listing, almost all the way over, but this time about the fun activities that bring big, fat smiles to all.

Deadly serious, the winner is the cover of that same cheese by The Christmas Crickets, released the same year, but rereleased–now with irony–in 2011. Ladies and generalists, i give you “Christmas is For the Family” insect infestation.