We may have mentioned the criminal aspect of Xmas, but as a reminder: CRIME DOESN’T GET PRESENTS.
Lulu Belle and Scotty from the late 1930s regale us with the tale of the lightfingered poor daddy, “The Empty Christmas Stocking.” This old country swing is no ‘Christmas Shoes’ (Thank God), but it does tug at the purse strings. [For something a little more 21st, allow the Celtic regrouping by Misty River.]
Santa’s just a guy, right. What if something comes up? Man gets busy, time flies… nothing for you.
Playful fake-out from Chris Bennett, “Santa Claus Forgot” is jazz foolishness set to make you appreciate what you get more than what you don’t.
Or he just doesn’t like those warmer climes?! Cabana Man shakes ragtime blues with jazz pop for another overwrought worry in “Come on Out da Chimney.” BTW, Santa can be lured with rum.
The Jordanaires turn their present absence into a teachable moment in the oompah-swing “Santa, You Forgot About Us Last Year.” The lesson, i think, is for all youngsters to mobilize to join some political action cause and forget crass materialism. I better listen to this again.
Ratchet up the wretchedness with these willful whiners. Grr, they coat coal in their stockings for Xmas! Cry havoc!
Why? folk smashes Jake McDonald in “Coal for Christmas.” Well, there’s a moral lesson to learn in here, i guess. But it rocks.
Mighty Magic Pants power rocks their ballad of woe “Lump of Coal” featuring a naughty nancy who shows no remorse. Cold!
Big band swing eases the pain of The Ohio City Singers hollering about dirt done them in “Coal Miser.” Powerful fun from smothering misery.
Shake off the night, time to cowboy up. Christmas don’t matter out on the range, ‘ceptin’ for that furious frame of mind you just can’t shake.
Feeling it from atop, Hugh Moffatt waxes cowboyetical with “Christmas in the Saddle.” His quiet western strumming far exceeds Jim Hogan‘s slicker country pop attempt.
“Saddle Up Your Pinto” and Mary Kaye with saddle up her bay (not ‘bae’). Sexy swing to get you off your feet.
You awake, it’s Christmas day… not exactly. It’s still night. But work needs done at the ranch. Stomp your bedraggled feet to gain some feeling and find your boots. It’s a bunkhouse holiday.
Riders in the Sky are the alarm clock you want to wake you with “Deck the Bunkhouse.” Listen to the whole half minute of it and you’ll know what i mean.
“Christmas in the Bunkhouse” sounds more like time off from Gene Davenport. This is honky tonk swing, but you’ll feel a square dance coming on.
Early release for good behavior will get you on the Nice List. So work the system and smile at the right time. And then maybe you too can get out in time to see the family that’s long forgotten you.
Slidawg & The Redneck Ramblers country/bluegrass ‘splains what Xmas is all about in “Daddy’s on Parole This Christmas.” Good ol’ boys back in business.
Jack Derringer prefers the hair metal for his “Parole for Christmas.” He means it, so he can get back to you, baby. Pucker up.
Back to country–swing this time, where Bob Rivers paints a picture with “I’m Dressing Up Like Santa Claus” when I get out on parole. Then it’ll be home sweet home. Parole = forgiveness, right? I mean it’s Christmas and all.
What are Americans really scared of? Each other? Oh, for the days of us v. them that involved other countries (not just dissimilar looking Americans).
Rathergood has those godless Reds co-opting OUR holiday with their sprightly growling “Communist Christmas.” I want a chocolate Trotsky! Erm, i mean, what about the Son of God!?
Shana Lynette, fresh from Pittsburgh, Kansas, made a small splash in our Cold War with her 1983 novelty swinger “Mr. Russian, Please Don’t shoot Down Santa’s Sleigh.” That’ll show ’em.
Gimme gimme gimme songs about Christmas shopping, wrapping, unwrapping, and returning gifts. Boy howdy.
Indicting capitalism Matt Roach likes “Giving Christmas the Business.” The more you spend, the more you love God. Alt garage.
Where to start? Try “K-hristmart” from Norick Eve. They have everything in alt-rock sizings.
Or, try “The Corner Store on Christmas” from Bowling for Soup (feat. Jaret Reddick). This alt pop gives us the ideas no one wants, but i like it. A lot.
Or, try “Christmas at the Old Mall” from The Likes of Jeff Pittman. The idea of a mall being old is so millennial! This jouncy country pop makes it sound like a hootenanny.
Trouble shopping? “Shoulda Went Online… Capiche?” swings out Bacio with some heavy brass. Never too late to pay extra for expedited shipping.
Teen pop swings the greed with “Give Me Everything.” The Aftershow might be a talented group of kids, or a corporate algorithm. ADHD bouncy.
Draco and the Malfoys folk the flaunt with “Christmas with My Mom and Dad.” What didn’t he get? A tragic backstory? Oh yeah, that other kid got that.
Parody interlude! The Withers take down Faith Hill’s ‘This Kiss’ with “This Gift.” Some pretty bad ideas here, gang. Take notes.
Let’s look at who’s giving whom what. Powerful (and serious) Marc Sardou alts out “The Present (To Khloe Colon).” Oddly moving.
“You Give Better Gifts to Ben” from Norick Eve altrocks the fun stuff just opened. Sudden caroling joy and squirrely whistling add up to a party.
Getting weird with love as wrapping paper, Graduation Speech plays alt rock/folk philosophical into “This is a Gift.” Snap snap, man. Beat poetic.
The New Anxiety psychoanalyze us with their must-have present accessory, “Gift Receipt.” Jazzy pop folk.
Or better yet, BLUE ALERT “Regift That Shit!” Pop screaming from DJ Timbo.
Dealing with that regifting, Mr. Cork narrates “A Recycled Christmas Story.” Gentle jazz background reminiscent of a coffeehouse recitation of ‘Grinch.’
What do you need? I mean really? “All the Gifts I Need” is the joy of Christmas, swings JD McPherson. Cool, daddi-o.
Singing is part of the Christmas holiday. Hark, what did those herald angels do? Some songs even mention the act, in a fun ironic meta kinda way. No, they are not easy to come across, and some lines will be blurred in order to celebrate thusly.
Go with it.
Riders in the Sky have some virtuosic levity with the connectiveness of all carols with “The Last Christmas Medley You’ll Ever Need to Hear.” It’s largely instrumental, but they’re the cowboys who can swing it. JJ Dion has a “2.0 version” (now with a second verse) that really sings. Schticks to your funny bones.
Wendell Ferguson goes more melodic with “Why Does Every Christmas Song Have So Many Chords?” Slow country swing, deceptively so.
Although cancelled by Nickelodeon, this popular toon was resuscitated and is now the 2nd longest running cartoon series on that network (behind SpongeBob).
Musical numbers tend to be classy, rather than silly (perhaps due to the aged magical helpers).
Timmy apparently never watched that Elmo special and wishes for “Christmas Everyday” in an early episode, much to all’s dismay. Jazzy.
More comical, “Not on the List” is a symphonic tribute to all the kids’ regrets the day after. Frantic.