Category Archives: Childrens

As Seen on TV: Bonanza

This was the second longest running western on TV. But they blessed us with the best TV Western Christmas album of all, Christmas on the Ponderosa, a 1963 concept miracle.

Many will poke fun at big dumb ol’ Hoss Cartwright as when he sings “Deck the Halls” in a harrowing bass. But it’s in the spirit and all, so shut up.

The cast gathers for the second cult hit “Merry Christmas Neighbors.” Bourgeoise judginess.

The better stuff is the old fashioned songs that never caught on, like Pernell Roberts singing “The New Born King.”

And Michael Landon with “Oh Fir Tree Dear.”

There’s some foolin’ around as well with Landon’s “Santa Got Lost in Texas.”

But best is the short fun of Lorne Greene with “Santa Got Stuck in the Chimney.”

As Seen on TV: Mr. Magoo

The blind curmudgeon won animated shorts oscars in the ‘5os. But when the wealthy jerk got his own TV series in the early ’60s the production company no longer made animation and farmed out the cartoon to a less professional group.

Yet, the 1962 A Christmas Carol adaptation (made by the original United Productions of America) struck gold with Julie Styne and Bob Merrill songs including:

“All Alone in the World,” the lament of boy Scrooge at not having a family who cares. Country show tune.

“Winter was Warm,” the goodbye of nearly-girlfriend Belle. Diva big band ballad.

“Ringle Ringle,” an ode to profit, harmonized by the suffering Bob Cratchit. Snarky childrens’ pop.

“The Lord’s Bright Blessing (Razzleberry Dressing),” a contrast of Papa Cratchit’s grace at supper undercut with the kids’ whining about what they have not. Hopeful gospel.

Most fun is the glimpse of Christmas future spying on the working class stiffs who loot Scrooge’s corpse in the music hall “We’re Despicable (Plunderers’ March).”

As Seen on TV: Bugs Bunny

Our American Odysseus, the wascally wabbit, has been a staple of our culture from the ‘thirties. According to Guinness World Records, he (it) is the ninth most portrayed film figure world wide. I guess he’s okay because how he made Mel Blanc famous (many decades later).

A resurgence in Merrie Meoldies/Looney Toons came around with the end of the millennium infantilism that celebrated protracted second childhoods. That’s when most of the Christmas albums that thought it was a hoot to have cartoon voices sing serious carols came out.

The concept album Kwazy Christmas sells a tale of all the talking animals festing at Granny’s house (her of the bird/cat ownership). It’s too hard to say goodbye at the end of the album, so they all goof on “Carol of the Looney Toons Bells.” That taste should give you an idea why we loved/hated all the ADHD we inspired in the ’90s.

A Looney Toons Sing-a-Long came out in 2007 and featured each character cracking wise and performing trads.

But before that, in 2003, a more original (less Mel Blanc, who passed in ’89) album of more original songs (Christmas with the Looney Toons) came out with…

Pepe LePew singing “Christmas in Paree.” This nugget takes its continental time to run the joke song. Bravo.

Tweety Bird singing “I Tawt I Taw Ol’ Tanty Claus” evoking real Blanc-ian mania. Cute, if heavy on sound fx.

Daffy Duck singing “All I Want for Christmas is More, More, More.” Fricative, frenzied fun.

[Both these albums have been recycled in newer releases. ]

The Looney Toons Show from 2002 helped rediscover slapstick if not adult-disapproved violence. “Christmas Rules” brings us excitedly into the new century.

I want to spend some time on real Mel Blanc. One of his last Looney Toons assignments was a 1974 Peter Pan Records album-readalong-book called Holly Daze. He does all the voices, just like in his hayday.

“I Love Snow” is bugs convincing Holly Daze (Yosemite Sam) that winter outside the desert can be cool.

Convincing Jr. Bunny that “Christmas Isn’t Christmas Without Santa Claus” only takes a short song as well.

Perhaps most child friendly, “Do You Believe in Santa Claus?” grays the area between secular and faith. Adorbs!

As Seen on TV: Yogi Bear

Cartoon Art Carney Yogi Bear was a guest-starring cartoon on The Huckleberry Hound Show for a couple years before he got his own title. He may have hummed scat incessantly, but it took a while to get some Christmas songs out of him, the godless beast.

In 1980 the special ‘Yogi’s First Christmas’ was broadcast to mild notice. It’s a contest with an evil dude to save the lodge at Yellowstone Park, or something.

Speaking of irreligiousity, [RERUN] Cindy Bear sings a “Mistletoe Song” about macking on the Yogi, which terrfies and delights Boo Boo bear.

“It’s Our Favorite Time of the Year” seems like the same song from the Flintstones, but listen carefully. It’s worse.

The opening number kicks off the whole magilla with a bevvy of guest stars (no Yogi) singing. “Coming up Christmas Time” is a kidddie classic.

As Seen on TV: The Flintstones

This kid-friendly ‘Honeymooners’ aired originally from 1960 to 1966, but plays on forever in many incarnations.

Rerun: In 1964, Fred as Santa sang the picture book Christmas story of “Dino the Dinosaur’s Christmas Tree.” Kiddy kitsch: it’s as good as the show got.

Rerun: The next year an album was dropped featuring the arrested development infants Pebbles and Bam-Bam. It’s all trad carols except for one experimental number, “Snowflake.” Not bad for children’s counterculture lite rock.

Other albums include 1999’s A Flintstone Motown Christmas, with talky intros about getting lost to a Christmas show intercut with songs from The Temptations, and The Jackson 5, and more. Skip it.

Christmas in Bedrock Special Edition (also w/impersonators) cashed in the same year from Rhino Records . It’s amazingly ’80s pop as in “The Flintstone Way” (a shout out from Wilma to give to charity),

and “Sleigh Ride” (Betty’s simple wish to spend time with her hubby instead of getting spendy gifts).

These are working class folk, after all.

But way back in 1977 the holiday special ‘A Flintstone Christmas’ told the story of Fred filling in for a malingering Santa. It had songs, some recycled (yaknow ‘cuz they were so good).

“Hope is a Christmas Tree” gets used many years later in a Yogi Bear holiday special. This is mama Wilma’s lullaby to baby P. Yawn, excuse me.

Fred and Barney go gleefully nuts in Santa’s workshop with their “Brand New Kind of Christmas Song.” Only a kid would sing along.

“Which One is the Real Santa Claus?” was originally in another Hanna Barbera cartoon special from a few years before. ttipoopfinal has thoughtfully double screened these two for your comparison.

For my money “It’s My Favorite time of Year” has the pathos and hubris the show is most affective for.

Presents of Mine: who dat for

The perfect gift aligns like love for just the right individual. Like when kids give you their lucky rock and beam proudly like it was a miracle.

Professor Steve has more than one relative when he ponders “A Present for My Uncle.” Kid bluegrass. It’s that kind of humor.

Imagination Movers suggest a Thank You, Kiss on the Cheek, or Read a Story when you “Give a Gift.” Cheap kids!  Wired up (Disney) kidrock.

Children with no money problems like Eloise from the 1950s books give more profligately. “Christmas Gifts from Eloise” is a jazzy showtune that misses 1% arrogance by THAT much.

Children with no logical relationship with the world (Curious George) give more insanely. Flying cars, yellow things, self-fastening pants… it never ends in “The Gift Song (Something as Special as You)” by Ken Stacey.

Staying silly, Lana Rae admits “I Bought My Catahoula a Goldfish” for Christmas. Pets for pets. Hope he feeds it. Antic kidsong.

The Cricketones give a financial directive with lots of big band yelling in “I’ve Got 18 Cents.” Seems like the tree gets the best present. (Smoking Mom and Dad get what they deserve.)

Presents of Mine: bad paper

How can anyone misconstrue the innocent notion of wrapping Christmas gifts?

Spongebob Square Pants (feat. Patrick) ruins the joy with their hyperactive hijinks in “Pretty Ribbons and Bows.” Hard rock screaming for the kiddos.

Shifinger have a whole ‘nother use for our product with “Xmas Paper up My Arse.” Be assured, it was out of absolute necessity. Colorful punk.

Dr. BLT (feat. Gary LaDuke) repurpose our topic with “Wrap It up,” which is not about paper at all–it’s about (shhh) protecting the gift below the belt. Not exactly blue bluesy folk.

ADHD time in the (un)wrapping dept. Porter Christensen’s “Bubble Wrap Rap” seems to be harmless white hip hop about a boy and his love of packaging. Then–fight scene!

DG also works that naughty idea with “Wrap It Like a Christmas Present.” Wandering rap full of double meanings. Possibly funny STD PA.

Nickolodeon (yeah, the pay cable channel people used to watch) warn us what might happen to all that disregarded wrapping paper afterwards with “Randall the Wrapping Paper Monster.” Run! Hide! Recycle!

Presents of Mine: black shopping

Black Friday is traditionally the kickoff to Christmas shopping. It’s been a couple years since i trowled out Black Friday songs for Christmas. There have been some recent developments:

Harsh judgment from The Homeless Gospel Choir in the form of “Black Friday.” Alt, not gospel. Although prayers for the departed are included.

Real Digital Music ramps up the anger slightly for “Forget Black Friday Song!!” Listless rap; black sales don’t matter.

Rusty Cage (slightly BLUE) bebops cute kid music to underscore his deadly “Black Friday Song” message. Graphic imagery, but, y’know, y’tube.

TreeMendous Holiday Fun: Don’t DeForest Kelley

Well, it’s the afterwards you’ve been dreading. Fight for that tree, or someone will cart its carcas to the curb.

The Nutty Squirrels want to fight to convince you “Please Don’t Take Our Tree for Christmas.” But this jazz band 1960 stinker wants the tree to stay in the forest, with the nuts. Pee-yew.

The best way to keep Christmas in our hearts all year is “Don’t Take That Christmas Tree Just Yet.” Three Chord Monkey perk up their garage with a little country, and a lotta spirit.

Merry Christmas, little baby “Don’t Touch the Christmas Tree” ‘billys A Band in Seattle. Dendricide by infant is a problem up there i understand.

“Daddy, Don’t Take the Christmas Tree Down” wail the kids in John Dameron’s pop country song. No fair, they invoke God.

BLUE ALERT Earn Your Stories angrily defends the “Christmas Trees” with a punk-centered need to believe in something. Wait, that’s not punk–unless you’re really pissed about it.

Less seriously, Piedmont Songbag wants the night to go on forever. “Don’t Take the Stockings from the Tree” is lounge jazz of the awkwardly seductive sort. Baby, look out, he’s jealous!

It’s Christmas day in my house “‘Til My Christmas Tree Come Down” ululates Mighty Magical Pants. Kids jug band with just the right sappy enthusiasm. That dead brown thing is still up!

TreeMendous Holiday Fun: It’s Moving!

Now that we’re done with the Christmas tree, let’s get a pet. That’ll do it.

“There’s a Kitty Under the Christmas Tree” proclaims Tom Grant with some masterful jazz classical piano. Despite the fuzzy craziness, little threat to the tree exists at this time.

Tricia Cole sings “I’m Climbing up the Christmas Tree Neow!” as a cat, being predictable. Show tune with minimal damage.

The sense of doom is clear from the commencement of the electric kid rock of “Walter and the Christmas Tree.” But this time the damage is personal. Three bandaids.

Muskrat adds funny sfx to “The Cat Knocked Over the Christmas Tree” to punch up the oompah comedy. Doesn’t help the song, but the tree is done. So’s the TV.

Myke Ko rocks down like the cat knocks down. “Cat in the Christmas Tree” worries about not getting presents in the debris. What will Santa say?

Now there’s a dog! “Wags is Bouncing Around the Christmas Tree” is The Wiggles’ kidsong rocking cautionary tale. It’s fun, not dangerous.

Since dogs are more loyal, you can rely on them. Or at least you can trust in Rover Dangerfeld in his animated musical bragging “I’ll Never Do It on a Christmas Tree.” Softshoe musical fun.

Well dog my cats, Lion and Frog (feat. Mike Brookshire) ‘billy the pets about to “Untrim the Christmas Tree.” The tension is palpable. I give the tree a 50/50 chance on standing.

Leah White & the Magic Mirrors goes cats and dogs and beyond (lemurs, skunks) with some kidsong disco jazz in “Crazy Animals in My Christmas Tree.” That tree’s not going to last.

Cherry, the Resurrection Rabbit continues the Christian twisting of all things in “Bunnies Hoppin’ Around the Tree.” Kidsong featuring a painfully shrill falsetto.

Ranger T is wondering where the tree is. Turns out “T Rex Ate the Christmas Tree.” Here i thought it was a carnivore. Hey, maybe it was full of cats! Kidsong folk with humor.