Category: Cheesey Pop Rock

What time is it? time for another Christmas song!

Starshine Singers plan for 12:00 “Christmas Eve.” It’s not the present, it’s the presents! Magic! Sassy kidsong.

Grownups have less to look forward to, at times. As the clock strikes twelve, I
Miss your loving touch, moans Nine Aetheria about the piano pop “Holiday Wishes.” Wants you.

12 o’clock and all is well and I was doing oh so swell, Last year, this time. But now, “Christmas Ain’t Christmas (Without the One You Love),” so say The O’Jays. Doo wop with just a touch of disco.

Alex Jordan jazzes up some gumption when It’s 12 A.M. I’m just off work. On the way home he knows “A Light that Shines on Christmas.” It’s you, honey.

Maudlin Ronny Milsap intones As the church bell chimes about twelve times I slip into my easy chair To watch the fire die to an ember And drift into a winter dream Of a magical night in December And faith in a sight unseen. Middle of the road pop fails to make remarkable “Only One Night of the Year.” Sorry.

Glen Saldahna has better imagery, but When the time comes, and the clock strikes twelve it’s “Christmas in Every Town.” He’s been there and seen it. Pop so what?

Sugies is “Snowed In” but with her caffeinated pop music she’ll do ALL the Christmas stuff. Now it’s twelve in the afternoon and she’ll do a ton more. Exhausting.

“It’s a Gamer’s Christmas” byThe Chalkeaters is a pop swirly valentine to all things shoot-em-up. Getting 63 games isn’t too much, kids! Only a handful of games are named, but the wishlist is just: more games. Step one is admitting you have a problem.

Sweetbox enumerates the mistakes she WON’T make anymore “This Christmas.” Trying to be not so naughty she declares: I won’t be victimized By Christmas sales or 2-4-1 offers. Anthem pop that marches strong despite the tail between the legs.

Counting up is going the wrong way, but The Cheeky Girls layer Eurovision on top of innuendo on top of cheesy pop to open “Have a Cheeky Christmas,” a must-have for any novelty fan. Everybody pumping!

The Nameless go funky garage off-key with “Xmas Time,” when they wait for your plane to land: 1,2,3,4–go for it!

Alternating ‘twixt English and Japanese, “Christmas Town” by Santa Paine (feat. Purplepeople) counts off to love, ‘cuz they’re young. Gentle alt-pop.

One of my formative favorites, Madness, sillily stumble over intros (Hello, this is Woody… 1,2,3,4…) like it’s a dress rehearsal–but the ska comedy of “Inanity Over Christmas” with its Jimmy Cagney gangster movie references, world tour stop name-drops, and bitter cold complaints is casual jollity. Like a Beatles fan-bonus? Or a shout-out to Bonzo Dog, perhaps. Any way, one of my new happy places. (Excuse the cover below.)

Pop pop jittery pop, Pops. Popular music is what the market will bear, but it usually needs to be loud, repetitive, and nothing much challenging.

Folk Angel lays down a successful backbeat, but harmonizes angrily rather than angelically with “It’s Almost Christmas Time.” A pop of 2.0. (Out of 10.)

“Almost Christmas Eve” is the commercial jingle from In a World Music. It’s hyper and breathless. Then it’s over.

Driving the beat way hard, the cast of ‘CAKE’ la-lalala-lalas “Here Comes Christmas” in your face. It does what pop songs do well enough. (Annoys?)

Josh Wilson gets back to the sanitized syncopation of true pop with “Almost Christmas.” And yet, the strutting swagger has a little sumpin extra….

Space, the final stop on God’s tour. All those stars out there, not just the Christmas one.

KindyRock Christmas features Judi Cranston counting down “Five Stars Shining” for Xmas. Or any time math matters.

A lovely annual Aussie tradition is “The Silver Stars are in the Sky.” This lullaby alludes to the Nativity so no pressure, baby. The Idea of North do a killer a cappella on this big church hymn.

Kidsong from The Starshine Singers puts the “Twinkling Stars” into a nearly secular sky. It’s winter, it’s pretty. ‘Nuff said.

Not sure how to keep track of Terra’s solstice from light years away, but “Christmas in the Stars” follows Anthony Daniel’s C3PO listing traditional traits from a far away. Unfortunate pop bordering on disco.

I can’t look. This is the worst. Even ‘Baby It’s Cold Outside’ isn’t this offensive.

The Bronze Cooter giggle their amateurish way through white insouciant, supercilious ignorance with the callous “Christmas Rape.” They saw Santa and mama under the Christmas tree with folk stylings. Then it gets worse.

Kunt & The Gang spell out how “It Can’t be Rape (It’s Christmas)” with elementary educational kidsong. Yeah, really.

Begging for forgiveness, Pariah Carey admits “All I Want for Christmas” (you read that right) is acceptance after all the (alledged) rape (and murder). Reflective punk, if you dare.

El Privates admit the insufferable horror here but want to teach by example of the singing rapist in “A Christmas Warning.” Heed the pop bouncy stomach churning breeziness.

Party music for Christmas? I thought you’d never ask.

Funky R+B dance music doesn’t have to be all disco, but it CAN. Eraserheads play their “Christmas Party” like the beat is all there is. (Listen for the alt solo!)

Largely instrumental “Christmas Party” is an invitation for you and me from Kompulsor. Great background beats for the 18 and unders.

Who’s that card for? (Why you reading someone else’s card?)

“Katey’s Christmas Card” by (young, really young, i mean Dukes young) John Schneider is pop country about some kid and daddy and coming home and crying.