Sweetbox enumerates the mistakes she WON’T make anymore “This Christmas.” Trying to be not so naughty she declares: I won’t be victimized By Christmas sales or 2-4-1 offers. Anthem pop that marches strong despite the tail between the legs.
Category Archives: Cheesey Pop Rock
Christmas Countdown: 1000™
Let’s keep the beat up with more exaggerations about how great Xmas is. Reminding me of John Denver (???) Clint Black wails “Looking for Christmas” to medieval instrumentation, but for a good cause: the Nativity. Does he find Xmas? Well, he closes his eyes and sees a thousand lifetimes since we’re all the Magi after all (hu-wha?).
Bonfire Band begins their “Christmas Medley (Joyful Song)” also back at the first Noel, in the land of a thousand. The other medlied songs blur together for me, but that phrase opened up some eyes–how many people for that Herod census?! Maybe that no-vancancied inn only had like two rooms?
“O for a Thousand Tongues to Sing” is a hymn about proselytizing all ’round the globe. Takes a few mouthfuls. Ben Haake rocks it out with more a thousand words/years not being enough. His auditorium-full in this recording joins in to make it so. Raise praise for days.
Tunepushers ultimately amps up the adrenaline, though, with the cheesy pop of “There’s a Thousand Reasons to Love Christmas.” Pogo out the list! Oh Yeah! Can i get a Hey, Man!
Christmas Countdown: 1-2-3-4
Counting up is going the wrong way, but The Cheeky Girls layer Eurovision on top of innuendo on top of cheesy pop to open “Have a Cheeky Christmas,” a must-have for any novelty fan. Everybody pumping!
The Nameless go funky garage off-key with “Xmas Time,” when they wait for your plane to land: 1,2,3,4–go for it!
Alternating ‘twixt English and Japanese, “Christmas Town” by Santa Paine (feat. Purplepeople) counts off to love, ‘cuz they’re young. Gentle alt-pop.
One of my formative favorites, Madness, sillily stumble over intros (Hello, this is Woody… 1,2,3,4…) like it’s a dress rehearsal–but the ska comedy of “Inanity Over Christmas” with its Jimmy Cagney gangster movie references, world tour stop name-drops, and bitter cold complaints is casual jollity. Like a Beatles fan-bonus? Or a shout-out to Bonzo Dog, perhaps. Any way, one of my new happy places. (Excuse the cover below.)
A Near Thing -14
Pop pop jittery pop, Pops. Popular music is what the market will bear, but it usually needs to be loud, repetitive, and nothing much challenging.
Folk Angel lays down a successful backbeat, but harmonizes angrily rather than angelically with “It’s Almost Christmas Time.” A pop of 2.0. (Out of 10.)
“Almost Christmas Eve” is the commercial jingle from In a World Music. It’s hyper and breathless. Then it’s over.
Driving the beat way hard, the cast of ‘CAKE’ la-lalala-lalas “Here Comes Christmas” in your face. It does what pop songs do well enough. (Annoys?)
Josh Wilson gets back to the sanitized syncopation of true pop with “Almost Christmas.” And yet, the strutting swagger has a little sumpin extra….
Outer Stars
Space, the final stop on God’s tour. All those stars out there, not just the Christmas one.
KindyRock Christmas features Judi Cranston counting down “Five Stars Shining” for Xmas. Or any time math matters.
A lovely annual Aussie tradition is “The Silver Stars are in the Sky.” This lullaby alludes to the Nativity so no pressure, baby. The Idea of North do a killer a cappella on this big church hymn.
Kidsong from The Starshine Singers puts the “Twinkling Stars” into a nearly secular sky. It’s winter, it’s pretty. ‘Nuff said.
Not sure how to keep track of Terra’s solstice from light years away, but “Christmas in the Stars” follows Anthony Daniel’s C3PO listing traditional traits from a far away. Unfortunate pop bordering on disco.
Merry Criminals! rapine
I can’t look. This is the worst. Even ‘Baby It’s Cold Outside’ isn’t this offensive.
The Bronze Cooter giggle their amateurish way through white insouciant, supercilious ignorance with the callous “Christmas Rape.” They saw Santa and mama under the Christmas tree with folk stylings. Then it gets worse.
Kunt & The Gang spell out how “It Can’t be Rape (It’s Christmas)” with elementary educational kidsong. Yeah, really.
Begging for forgiveness, Pariah Carey admits “All I Want for Christmas” (you read that right) is acceptance after all the (alledged) rape (and murder). Reflective punk, if you dare.
El Privates admit the insufferable horror here but want to teach by example of the singing rapist in “A Christmas Warning.” Heed the pop bouncy stomach churning breeziness.
And a Party in a Pear Tree: get it
Party music for Christmas? I thought you’d never ask.
Funky R+B dance music doesn’t have to be all disco, but it CAN. Eraserheads play their “Christmas Party” like the beat is all there is. (Listen for the alt solo!)
Largely instrumental “Christmas Party” is an invitation for you and me from Kompulsor. Great background beats for the 18 and unders.
Take a Card: addressee
Who’s that card for? (Why you reading someone else’s card?)
“Katey’s Christmas Card” by (young, really young, i mean Dukes young) John Schneider is pop country about some kid and daddy and coming home and crying.
As Seen on TV: Game Shakers/Stuck in the Middle/Hank Zipzer
Ah, youth… wasted on the young, who make a holy mess of it.
RERUN: Seventh graders who hit big with their new app still have to grow up, but they can celebrate Xmas with their rapper friend Double G (Kel Mitchell) who sings for the show “Reggae Christmas Potato.” [Nickolodeon]
Over at Disney, corporate scrutiny results in perfectly formulated entertainment like a middle child (of 7) whose genius is overlooked by all except writers, audience, and the actors themselves. “Have a Happy Holiday” is such an overwrought piece of montage music you will forget it immediately.
Henry Winkler’s book series about a dyslexic teen suffering in a bureaucratic school comes to life in London with frantic antics and heart crushes just like the kids tune in for. The holiday love song “Home for Christmas” by cast member pop star Hayden Chase is poppin’ fresh (okay it sounds like everything else charting hot for preteens, but it’s the best of this lot).
United We Christmas Tree Stand: the demographic
Big star-spangled finish. American Christmas songs should be enormo, splashy, slightly overdone casseroles.
Bettina Bush sings big about family and love and “An American Christmas.” It’s pretty, she’s pretty… i feel pretty!
James Brown shouts it out with “Hey America!” This is a sermon to uplift us with Christmas spirit. Feel it! FEEL IT!
Wayne Newton’s idea of “Christmas in the USA” is to call long distance. C’mon it’s Wayne Newton, it’s not what he says (what IS he saying?), it’s how he’s selling it. It’s building, building, building… and there’s that last note!