Christmas Countdown: 5 & 10

Ever since ‘It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas” mentioned looking into the Five and Ten (to shop, y’cheapskate), discount stores pop up in Xmas carols. Consider the punk version here (Thanks for making it nearly unrecognizable, The Wheelz). Or even “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Hanukkah.” BShep doesn’t mess much with the lyrics, though.

Bill Anderson dredges up the 1969 country hokum in “My Christmas List Gets Shorter Every Year.” See, in the good ol’ days most of the presents just came from the five and dime. Now, this broken family can’t get none. Spoken heartbreak.

While we’re talking money, Hoyt vanTanner recounts the Christmas at the Expose Cabaret in Monkeys Eyebrow where the stranded motorist spent “Christmas With Carol.” The Madame distributes to the strippers their Xmas bonus: Here’s gas stations finest five dollar scratch offs. Funny country.

Last Call Christmas” is also stuck in a bar. She’s out with someone else, see. Shelby Lee Lowe is laying out fives, drinking to for to get drunk. Juke joint country.

Elliott Yamin only wants everyone to have “A Very Merry Christmas.” Oh, And five cents every song we’d sing, oh. Not too greedy. Disco pop.

While shopping for your “Christmas Sweater” don’t forget to stop at at Starbucks: Wondering what color is on the new holiday cups; I hope you remembered to bring your red card–Save five percent and put more in the tipjar. The River’s Edge has your whole spending trip planned. Sweet blues pop sing-along.

S.T.R.O.U.P. apologizes in masterful rock’n’roll: Here is my gift I got for you (At the five and dime); please don’t kill me right now… So “Merry Christmas (Sorry I’m Late).”

Dirty Robots tell the story of living frugally with some dirty blues rock and a “5$ Christmas Tree.” Finn-tastic.

Christmas Countdown: 24…

‘Ware the night before…. The Family Baloo have a charming jazzy rock number about the pathetic mess of “Christmas Spirit (24 Hours in A&E).” Not merry, no.

Twisted Insane raps the bad news in “December 24th.” Despite holiday wishes he doesn’t leave any proof or witness. So, don’t get any ideas.

Collaborateurs reasons that everyone who’s up at 11 P.M. on “December 24th” is miserable together, but it’s the best they’ll ever feel. Ethereal pop.

Fed up with the hype Final Essay points out there’s “No Snow in Louisiana” with some hard rock gusto. Imagery includes: December 24th Louisiana’s dressed in shorts.

Christmas Spirit (24 Hours in A&E)” is a mystifying melange of mentions and less-than-merry musings about the Mass o’ Christ. The Family Baloo give much music but few codebreaking hints. Jazzy but quiet rock.

Even worse is the road trip that begins on Dec. 24th and doesn’t seem to end. Corrida flavored rock from Jesús Villa tells of boredom, hunger, and loss of faith in “Christmas in the Back Seat.” Epic.

Sergio Otero pulls no punches going BLUE ALERT with the hard rocking pop “Christmas Hypocrisy.” It’s 24th night so be ready to take your cars, We cannot be late cause what are they gonna think of us? Let’s dress so fucking perfect and don’t act like strangers: Fake smiles, boring stories and food I don’t really like. Then a chorus of Na na nas. Wow.

Christmas Countdown: 100!!

Does this special time of the year amp up the whole deal? Well, does it?? To 100?!?

Filnobep raps hearty “This Christmas” BLUE ALERT about all the good stuff on the list. There’s 12 days, a 40 inch ride, and 50 belts. When you got some change you make Christmas everyday 100 Brrr Aw aww. Gleefully nasty.

Commercial jingles are a billion dollar industry, and they don’t all suck. They do try to pack the pop and fun into the message. But it’s funny how things they Never change We can grow a hundred different Ways and stay the same moans the alt pop “Something in the Air” from Grayson Sanders (ft. Jono ft. Lauriana Mae). Coca-Cola gets the product placement here and it’s more reflecting than refreshing, but if you’re feeling paused give it a go.

Banging the folk out of romance, Rushmore Beekeepers wail out “Some Deeper Meaning.” To tell you how I feel I’m gonna need some christmas lights Wrapped around a hundred trees, goes the holiday hyperbole. It’s just aw-shuck ah lax yew for a song, but the mention of Xmas makes me wanna share it.

Full country twang lands us in the corny sentiment of Jessie T’s “Decorating That Tree.” Each ornament is a showstopper: Grandma’s angel made of gold Broken wings but she still holds The stories of a 100 winter nights. So about four years’ worth.

It doesn’t get more upbeat than “100 Christmases” from The Sugarettes while hand-clapping, whooping, chanting, and partying on.

The blues enfuses Put Cupples’s “Defending Christmas (Who Called the Cops on Santa Claus).” First a couple tots, then A hundred other kids show up to alibi out the big guy. That’s a lot of kids in court. Innocent!

Christmas Countdown: 1948

1948, Xmas eve, with a full moon over town,Stagger Leeshot Billy DeLions, according to The Grateful Dead. See, the way i heared it, was back in 1895… but never you mind. It’s the song that goes along. American funk rock. (P.S. it keep hearing 1940, but genius.com tells me otherwise.)

Ben Hammer’s “1948 Christmas Day Photo” is even more funky with howling blues putting down the problems of the season. I guess; can’t get past the cacophony to tell what the hello-there is going on.

Christmas Countdown: 1992

Jami Smith gets all filial with the feels in “Christmas 1992.” Sentimental country pop, so you are supposed to choke up.

An antidote to that saccharin would be the sermons and feedbacks of “Christmas 1992” from Heart Heart Julia. Experimentally hopeful with those ‘Frosty’ lines.

Less hopeful, Sam Weinberg’s nostalgia sounds like nails on a chalkboard and his snarky “Christmas Eve, 1992” raises more figurative questions than gives peace. Piano bar (+ harmonica!) sadness.

Indie pop garbling brings Figure (the indie pop project of Yoshinobu Hasebe) to “Christmas Eve of 1992,” a mixed outlet of hope and grief.

Mentioning the not-quite-virgin birth of a celebrity born in ’92 in “Miley Christmas,” Robert Lund and Spaff knock off ‘Christmas Song’ so they can show-shame the made-over diva-in-the-making. Cruel.

Sam Wineman’s over you like it’s ’92. In “New Year’s T” (feat. Andrew Scott Bell) he’s into the holiday dump (New Year New me No you) and gets a bit BLUE ALERT about it. So be warned of this adorable pop rap.

Frankie Staton is Over You in “Christmas 1992.” I’d stand back, m’man. Raging blues make it so.

Christmas Countdown: 2000 ago

How long they don’t forget… since the Jay-by.

It’s Christmas Eve” claims two thousand years–so long ago… Easy listening piano bar from Angela Mahon. Never did so little message sound so well sung.

Two thousand years ago three wise men left their home, begins Reba McIntire with her iconic sass in “This Christmas.” More loungey than country.

Upper beat prog rock from Joy Williams, “2000 Decembers Ago” dreamscapes the query: did anyone notice back then what was happening to the whole (not quite yet Christian fragment) of the world?

Giovanni McGlone raps the way to find salvation: Yo! 2000 Years ago, He came and paid my tolls, from “To Be Jolly.” It counts!

Even though it’s been 2000 years, “It’s Christmas” country-splains Jimmy Wooten. Here comes the holy holy holy chorus! No fear!

The hope that has slumbered for 2000 years, sing the Muppets with John Denver about “The Peace Carol.” Gentle country, but was the world waiting for that long until JC was birthed?? Who’s been doing this slumbering recently? Confusion.

Avidly mystical, Over the Rhine wants a “White Horse” for Christmas–to ride over the town, in the sky, to Bethlehem 2000 years ago. A lullaby of new age/pop descent.

Santa, on the other hand, spent 2000 years on the North Pole… according to Jeremy Lister. (Always thought those two were the same guy.) It’s been so long, however, that “Santa’s Lost His Mojo.” Happens when you’re old. Jiggedy blues pop.

The Rude Off: proud

Fans abound for the most famous reindeer of all.

Kidsong likes the counting song, hence “Nine Counting Rudolph” from Brian Kinder. Catchy, but not his best.

Asiansploitation and Byron S. mock Lourdes with their “Rudolph.” It’s all about–

The Reindeer Song” by Daniel Dennis and Mason Douglas (as Sno’Rida and Mista’Toe) white-rap out the credit due the nine. Celebratory shouting to commence.

Hamildolph” is the epic parody of ‘Hamilton’ from Eclipse 6. Worth the time reliving the bullied fawn’s tale.

Gee, Rudolph Ain’t I Good to You?” is the Nat King Cole classic funnied up by The Christmas Jug Band. Unrequited gift-bringing is so bluesy.

X-claim: ay/oi

Hey is terribly useful, so it has been adopted by many languages. I can’t be bothered to pursue the etymology, so we’ll assume other languages borrowed our grunt.

Ricky Martin pairs with Rosie O’Donnell (flashback!) to bemoan how bad a shopper we is in “Ay, Ay, Ay, Its Christmas.” This wants to be corrida, but it’s tequila pop. Close Harmony Friends jazz this up with a cappella boss nova. Trust me, it’s better. (Jipsta gets gender fluid with his mad rave rendition. Ai, papi.)

No Doubt’s “Oi to the World” is the punk cure to The Vandals. It’s a fun musical journey, not like the offending scratch of real punk (which neither are–sell outs!).

Oi Oi Oi! It’s Christmas Time” is a folk/blues blend on the dregs of punk. Sorts lays it out like a reflective wintertime carol. But there’s hope in it. Deal, wankers.