Bummer. You did not beat the rap and now you’re in that purgatory without glory, jail. Behind bars gives you time to reflect. And sing.

The Youngsters dropped the original lament “Christmas in Jail” back around 1956. This doo wop spells out the sentence.

Channeling Johnny Cash, Jonathan Coulton observes “Christmas in Jail.” It’s a letter home explaining not apologizing.

Do You Hear What I Hear (feat. Dean) wrangles down some blues with their “Jail for Christmas.” Repentance will go a long way, son. Keep crying.

Comedy break from The Bob and Tom Show: Donnie Baker recites his own criminal “‘Twas the Night Before Christmas.” Not so much a song, but Pete the Elf shared that with me.

Parody up! The Christmas Pranksters jolly up the need for Mom’s bail with “Jingle Bells, Christmas Sales.” She allegedly fought ‘like Mike Tyson, when someone grabbed her gift.’

Selena Garcia brings the blues some heat with “Hold Up Holidays.” She wants the calendar to pause while working out the jailtime. I’d hear her out, Father Time.

How much do you want this Christmas party?

For MXPX everyday is party day. It’s easy as breathing. “Christmas Party” is just living. Melodic punk.

W C Clark funks up the swamp with his bluesy “Christmas Party.” It’s all about the wanting it.

Santa’s not worried about leaving Mrs. Claus by her lonesome. I mean, who else is she going to stray unto? Look down!

Throwing Toasters delivers a smitten love story with some driving rock beat in their “Mrs. Claus.” It starts with drinkin’ hot chocolate from a decanter with one of the boys,,,,

Drive-By Truckers slop up a serving of swamp blues with “Mrs. Claus’s Kimono.” Just want a little elvish sex, to pay the old man back. What could go wrong?

As Mrs. Claus evolves, she’s hashtagged neglected because the Saint of the house is gone for 24 hours one day of the year. (Wait, given the rotation of the earth, and the length of the solticial night… is he gone 30 hours… 36?)

Cornball country from Skip Ewing asks the patient matron not to cry with his dismissive “Mrs. Santa Claus.” Later is good enuf, y’know. [Jim Jensen makes this one more middle of the road. Adding insult to injury.] [The Oak Ridge Boys make this some big ho ho joke. Beer better be open by the time you bring it!]

Singing the blues with funky raw blues, The Eerie county Monster Hunters do not sugarcoat “Mrs. Claus’s Blues.” She’ll be alone this Christmas, tho i picture her smokin’ and drinkin’ and cheatin’ at solitaire while doin’ so.

Short Term Memory lays out the whole sordid abandonment issue with “Mrs. Claus Has the Blues for Christmas.” Sultry jazzy blues. Stranded woman ahead!

It’s over. You’re alone. Christmas day. Look around. Whaddya got? SELF-PITY!!

Banging on the toy piano Mind’s Eye circles the drain with “This Christmas Sucks,” but it’s worth the wailing guitar solo. Angry over lost love!

Steve Lukather & Friends hammer rock into the blues with “Broken Heart for Christmas.” Is that a happy ending after all, or are you so deluded with sorrow you imagined it?

Okay, he/she didn’t really leave, just physically unavailable at the moment that counts. So there’s songs for that separateness.

Hadn’t, couldn’t, don’t–Katharine McPhee is having contractions without you. “It’s Not Christmas Without You” is a pop diva directed diatribe of non-situations, soaring yet wallowing. The official video shows him just down the road until the surprise happy ending.

Lena Anderssen is going through the Christmas motions but “It ain’t Christmas ’til You’re Home.” Miss you, miss you is the issue with this twinkling soft pop.

The Lonely Hearts Elvis swing the blues with “Christmas Without You.” Breathy, probably because they’re phone-sexing.