Enough with the not enough!!

Let’s move on to the spirit of Xmas, the trappings, the deets, the minutiae…how ’bout them BELLS? Poe‘ll tell you, bells can be used to connote many celebrations–but I’m hard pressed (unh) to attach these tinklers to Halloween or the Fourth of July or Earth Day. Ringing means 12/25, y’all.

The icon in the room is ‘Jingle Bells,’ the 1850-something small-ranging number by James Lord Pierpont. The controversy surrounding this earworm could fill a whole month of blogging, so let’s just say NOW it’s a family tradition for more than the racists among us.

If you need to hear this every December, bully for you. It tasks me, so i will not share the best, coolest, weirdest versions of this song i can find (maybe some other month when i’m out of ideas)–not the instrumentals, nor even the foreign translations.

Today, let’s try out some reimaginings using a bit of a different melody. That’s fun. (It’s the same lyrics, mostly here.)

Even John Denver has a bit of tinkly new age fun with this old horse.

What about James Taylor putting his downbeat syncopation trademark on it?

PDX’s own Jesus Presley throws a low curveball of lounge garage when you least expect it.

Over the Rhine sneaks up on you as well with “One Olive Jingle,” a bluesy, jazzy, word poem.

Going girl ASMR Lisa Loeb slows down the ride to a stuck in the snow slog.

Walking away with recognizability, Fats Waller jellyrolls the ragtime out of “Swinin’ Them Jingle Bells.” You won’t know you’re in a one-horse open sleigh for a minute. Ride with it. It’s mostly instrumental.

Whaddya say about nothing? I’m talking ’bout Christmas… i mean empty stockings, uncluttered trees, echoing expanses… well, then it’s time for the blues.

“I’m Getting Nothing But the Blues for Christmas” is less raunchy and more melodic as a disaffected Stuart Hale Shakman pirouettes around the six-string to spill his guts. Purdy stuff.

Grinding the gears, Blaha shreds the blues with “It’s Christmas Time (And I Have Nothing Left to Lose.” It’s a sing-along for done-me-wrong.

Floyd Dixon leans hard on the bad news with his 1951 icy jingling “Empty Stocking Blues.” Brace yourselves. He’s all alone.

Maybe some really want coal for their Christmas offering.

James Leo Oliver pops a yarn about Grampa wishing he’d receive “Coal for Christmas” because, hoo-doggies it’s a cold one out there.

Woozy blues from William Wyatt tout the benefits of not freezing to death with his “Big Hunk o’ Coal” tribute. Wave your lighter carefully for this one, it’s combustible.

Losing sight of the prairie for a mo, cowboys have become such an icon they might stand in for the perfect boyfriend. Or that’s what unwashed men want to hear in song. For the holidays.

A plaintive plea from Jenny Tolman, “Cowboy for Christmas” reads as country sad, like a messy room with a lone scented candle about to burn down to the sloppy quick.

Kennedy Fitzsimmons & Tera Lynne Fister apply the honky tonk sultry to their “Cowboy for Christmas.” A bit more sexy, but so quietly desperate.

Michelle Dyck in the basement does her medicated best with a ‘Hippopotamus’ parody: “I Want a Sexy Cowboy for Christmas,” screeching over the original on the tape deck. Okay, slightly clever.

Traditional country pop from The Heels, “Cowboy for Christmas” paints a Hallmark Holiday Feature for all.

Pure pop from SaraBeth, “Cowboy for Christmas” specifies the Texas variety, but does remind Santa to put holes in the box.

Lindi Ortega leads the gang in “All I Want for Christmas is a Cowboy,” a barn burner of a blues tune that echoes in the rafters. Sounds like she’ll eat ‘im.

Bummer. You did not beat the rap and now you’re in that purgatory without glory, jail. Behind bars gives you time to reflect. And sing.

The Youngsters dropped the original lament “Christmas in Jail” back around 1956. This doo wop spells out the sentence.

Channeling Johnny Cash, Jonathan Coulton observes “Christmas in Jail.” It’s a letter home explaining not apologizing.

Do You Hear What I Hear (feat. Dean) wrangles down some blues with their “Jail for Christmas.” Repentance will go a long way, son. Keep crying.

Comedy break from The Bob and Tom Show: Donnie Baker recites his own criminal “‘Twas the Night Before Christmas.” Not so much a song, but Pete the Elf shared that with me.

Parody up! The Christmas Pranksters jolly up the need for Mom’s bail with “Jingle Bells, Christmas Sales.” She allegedly fought ‘like Mike Tyson, when someone grabbed her gift.’

Selena Garcia brings the blues some heat with “Hold Up Holidays.” She wants the calendar to pause while working out the jailtime. I’d hear her out, Father Time.

How much do you want this Christmas party?

For MXPX everyday is party day. It’s easy as breathing. “Christmas Party” is just living. Melodic punk.

W C Clark funks up the swamp with his bluesy “Christmas Party.” It’s all about the wanting it.