No Christmas. I mean, none. You going to cry? Or, perhaps, will you join hands Whoville-style and sing about how you still got it. That calendar number don’t matter!
A brief bon voyage then from Jebb & The Riots who warble about “The Day Christmas was Cancelled” without a commercial jingle care in the world. Here’s the thing about Xmas: IT! WILL! BE!
Christmas isn’t happening because I died, okay?! No Xmas for the ex-person.
Aged big band aficionado Jerry Drake brazens his way through the MIA tragedy “The Boy Who Missed Christmas.” No, it’s not a Christmas song at all. It’s barely a song.
Alto soaring, Nick Dache doesn’t have much to say after a near-death experience, except for apologizing for the “Empty Christmas.” Too much acceptance, not enough denial, dude. Light alt fun, tho.
Credit where credit is overdue. We all enjoy Christmas because of–? Well, JC may have rebranded an ongoing festival… Santa only came into the equation late… Hmm.
“If It Weren’t for Girls, There Would be No Christmas” croons The Want to a peppy rock backbeat. Sure, it tries a bit too hard and as such overcompensates with stereotypes and some back-handed flattery. But who else is taking the time to appreciate, i ask you?
Some kids are just resigned to getting the black rock. Coal for Christmas ain’t no thing.
Kyle’s Xmas sighs their way through the admission “Santa Claus, I Don’t Mind Getting Coal for Christmas.” This alt rock slowmo is hardly a lament. Just survivin’ the season.
One of the oddest traditions of Christmas is how bad children still get a little sumpin in the form of a lump of coal.
Let’s not rehash the various histories that various nations claim to originate this Santa shenanigan. Let’s dwell in the hearth that laments and lauds this practice until we finally get into the ore of the mine.
Although previously hailed as a novelty masterpiece, The Killers (w/Jimmy Kimmel) open our journey from the POV of “Joel the Lump of Coal,” allowing us to see the peripeteia the innocent may project over the mean machine of Christmas to a happy ending. Love that alt-pop.
The birthday traditions include making a wish. What would Jesus wish for?
Since January 2009 Jonathan Mann has contributed to his Youtube channel ‘Song a Day,’ so there’s a lot to chew on there. Let’s focus on (no, not his rock opera based on Super Mario Brothers) his “Happy Birthday Jesus” Song #3988 which he has retooled once or twice and then dropped on his 2019 album Jewish Family Christmas Tree. Lessons to be learned, li’l ones, pay attention.
Eytan Mirsky, Zoenda McIntosh, and Matt Brown are The Decemberishes, a you-don’t-know-them small potatoes self publishing rock/pop group from L.A. But they’ve broadened our calendar with “December Birthday Song,” pointing out how pretty much any day of that month is overshadowed by green and red. You’re lucky if you get a text on YOUR day.
Apart from some footage of bank jobbers in Santa-guise, the idea of robbing a bank around Christmas is ludicrous. Banks aren’t even open at Xmas!
Overkill has a poppy naughty bit of B&E with their “Xmas Song.” There may be masks and guns and crews so let’s include this lovely novelty here. (The song ends halfway through with a gasp of a BLUE ALERT then reprises. ‘Sworth it.)
So Souveniir’s “Christmas Bank Heist,” while emo alt-fun, may not involve any actual crimes… maybe arson. But it may be the fever dream of another disaffected loser. Still, weee.
Some Christmas party songs don’t address the party animal in the room, they ARE the animal. When you listen you are enveloped in party vibes.
Red-x Chesta is laying down non-stop dubs with a “Christmas Party” that pingpongs the beat with the pulse of the party. (He’s usually BLUE ALERT but i don’t get that here.)
The other kind of rap rolls out from Ru Paul with “Christmas Party,” a dance number that autotunes and synthstomps like the best blowouts do. Where the kids at?
The Joe and Glo Experiment noodle around with alt folk pop creating the scene with their “Christmas Party.” Can you hear it?
In a more innocent time, we sang Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays in the same song. No one thought a thing about it. Let’s do that, hand in hand, you rascals.
Robert Earl Keen accentuates the absurdity of the trailer trash with trombone in the plodding “Happy Holidays Y’all.” This cut includes two takes (second on has slurring and cracking up). Oompah country.
N’Sync gets the corn roasting with “Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays.” This unfiltered fluff should have opposite sides settling out of court in a hurry. Perhaps Pentatonix is more your cup of Sanka. Pretend Motown for the preteen set.
Adam Hicks feat. Ryan Newman from the Disney show Zeke and Luther zoop up “Happy Universal Holidays” for one for all. ADHD pop.
Let’s settle the bill with invision haling us with “Happy Holidays,” a greeting for one and all. Or, an egregious alt assault on our sensibilities.