Yogi Yorgeson’s Stan Boreson and Doug Setterberg come at the ‘Rudolph’ song eyes wide open. With their Scandihoovian accents and veiled drug references (a rooty-toot-toot!) “Ragnar the Flat-Nosed Reindeer” is one happenin’ hoofer.

Surely the hateful eight of Santa’s reindeer are all dead by now. Does he just rename replacements like The Simpsons do with their cats (Snowball 5)? Are there OTHER reindeer to sing about?

Frank L Baum (the Oz guy) rhapsodized a Santa poem and named ten: Racer and Pacer, Fearless and Peerless, Ready and Steady, Feckless and Speckless. Cool, that. But no songs.

“Adolph the Brown-Nosed Reindeer” from classic comedy songster Dave Rudolph gives us a rollicking kidsong peek into how reindeers get ahead at the North Pole. Not that everyone loved him; there’s a reason that name is no longer christened these days. Sorry to start on a ‘Rudolph’ parody, but–unavoidable.

Any other humor we can inject into the Rudolph song? How’s about the scatalogical?

“Rudolph Don’t Go” is Kristen Key’s kidsong entry into Christmas poop. Guess what it’s about?!

“Santa and Rudolph’s Poop Contest” also does NOT bury the lede. Lil Poverty Angels get word salad rap ready.

“Rudolph the Red-Nosed Hemorrhoid” is Matt ‘The Toilet Bowl Cleaners’ Farley’s depiction of holiday distress.

“Rudolph Dropped a Package on My Rooftop” is the clever yet country humor of Brad Tassell and Steve Goodie.

“Rudolph the Reindeer (S**t on My Lawn)” is The Flatworms’s garage nastiness (it’s like black cottage cheese!).

Sorry, everyone. I can’t feature any of these. So let’s end on a big downer, “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer (a rendition in minor key)” from Tempus Cucumis (Time of the cucumber??) This is more than shitty, this is enormously doomy. See, the ending is changed from happy to– well, you’ll see.

Riffing off ‘Rudolph’ Jeff Grant strums with wit and sibling rivalry sniping at each of the reindeer (and Santa) until settling on “Comet, the Black-Nosed Reindeer” as the regular Joe of the bunch. Half a laugh more than i thought it’d get.

Let’s pretend a ‘Rudolph’ parody is a funny thing. And now…

TheOdd1sOut “Prancer the Normal-Nosed Reindeer” writes itself. Maybe it should go listen to itself as well.

This guy garnered so much attention with that previous song, came back with the “Prancer Rap.” Also short, also derivative. Still fun. Bleeped out ass, so there’s that.

Oh derives from O, which opens a trove of traditional carols. Let’s try to avoid those and stay with the dumbstruck cry.

Helen & Shanna simply cry out Oh Oh Oh in “Oh! Christmas,” as if they didn’t want to take the Lord’s inspired day in vain. Odd folk chanting.

Amery Rey Tuesta also has a worldish twist to his folksy “Oh Christmas!” (And cracking vocals.) This is a prayer. Or perhaps whining.

Adding a whoa to the oh, Brianna Dembrow gets all country worked up with “Christmas Oh.” Well now.

Well, i can’t avoid the parodies any longer: ‘O Holy Night’ gets the smelly relatives treatment in “Oh, Christmas Night (Mare)” from Duck Logic Comedy. Sing along!

Another bells favorite of the holiday season is from ‘The Lemon Drop Kid,’ some old (1950) Bob Hope rom com. More not-exactly-Jesus type celebrating. And, the skinny is, the original title of ‘Tinkle Bells’ got the 86 from the writer’s wife who knew third-grader slang. If you can sit through the flick, William Frawley introduces the song at first with an angry sidewalk Santa rant. Cool. Then Bob Hope sings it, but Bing Crosby cuts the vinyl of it. Nevermind.

The only novel version I might subject you to would be Johnny Setlist’s “Silver Bells (Ukulele Mix)” from the Goon Christmas 2010 extravaganza. Although I am partial to Rich Hinklin’s reimagining “Silver Bells (Post-Apocalyptic Dance Mix).”

Hey, that one reminds me of the after-the-robopocalypse fun from JMaq: “Iron Bells.” Most ‘Silver Bells’ parodies don’t allow for bells. Screw them, this is far out.

Newfoundland’s own Snook sermonizes on the difficulty of living it up given urban oppression in “Swingin’ Bells.” Too much vernacular by half, innit?

The 1980s gave birth to housewife talent like The Fallen Angels, a Portland weird-ity who parodied classics especially around the holidays. In the spirit of the original, their “Clanging Bells” is a denouncement of noise pollution especially the Salvation Army’s.

The mainstream delivers ‘Sleigh Ride’ every holiday season, an instrumental from The Boston Pops (1949) first with words from The Andrew Sisters (1950). Yeah, it’s a Christmas mainstay, but –yawn– it doesn’t –ho hum– help with the –what was i talkin’ about–?

A couple of versions you should add to your novelty collection spun out from this joyride are inspired by the vapidness of the added words. Mojo Nixon plays around with the nonsense syllables, and Barenaked Ladies just scat. Take that, wordsmiths!

You should also know, Anthony Daniels (following orders) makes this non-denominational number a lesson for robots (Star Wars and otherwise) to learn the spirit.

Parodies don’t bring it either. I can do without John Valby‘s tasteless BLUE ALERT schtick. Joshua Gilyard‘s Queen of the Ratchet neither amuses about gossipy girls. The Bible gets a fun synopsis to this melody by Jacob Manning. Jason, however, explains why school band members don’t like this tune.