Category Archives: Caroldies (parodies of carols)

Merry Criminals! attempted homicide

Plead temporary merriment! Wanting to kill someone shouldn’t be so bad for that time of the year. But, after all, Santa is watching….

“Frosty is the Devil” and announces how bad he wants you dead, according to the metal of Santa’s Angry Elves.

The Hatchet Family want to BLUE ALERT “Kill Santa Man.” Rap premeditation. Unnastand?

Princess Rizu cosplays videogame antics with the parody “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Murder.” The quickest way to a man’s heart is through the chest wall with a sharp knife.

Merry Criminals! cartels

I’ve dipped into Xmas drug snuff plenty before. But there’s always room for one more narcotics-related seasonal song.

A ‘Little Drummer Boy’ harmony parody (a la Bing/Bowie) funs up the crack problem. “Little Robbie Boy” by Spiffster is impressive in its awfulness.

Street troubadour Billy Basturd caroldy-es his “Drug Cartel Christmas” to ‘Jingle Bells,’ yet he’s riffing at warp speed. So i enjoyed parts of it.

Xmas Tech Support: Wi-Fi

Unlike local area networking (LAN) the wireless networking technologies of Wi-Fi have been trademarked. So now i have to capitalize that forever….

A couple years ago it seemed hilarious for little kids to parody the ‘Where are You Christmas?’ from ‘The Grinch’ with “Where are You Wi-Fi?” Most of these fame-grabs are pretty horrible. Here’s Aaron rehearsing his skit before the school assembly.

Xmas Tech Support: Craigslist

Criag Newmark’s San Francisco want ads website went nuts before the millennium and Craigslist gave Ebay a run for their junk.

“Do You See What I See (On Craigslist)?” is writen and performed by Carrie Stoller, but it’s out of her range. Still, fun, and a strange inner look at her searches (eccentric much?).

WAR! mock ’em if you got ’em

That last post reminded me about some carol parodies about our ‘War on Christmas’…

Finger pointing and ‘All I Want’ reworkings make me uncomfortable, so let’s flip through MistleThumb (Dong Crosby, Ebenezer Spooge, Manheim Cornholer, and Douglas Firburger, feat. Doodie Garland)’s “There a War on Christmas… with Jews.” It’s funny, right? Am i looking at this wrong? (BLUE ALERT)

More awful, Joe Hart clatters out “Happy Holidays” to ‘Jingle Bells.’ The list of alternatives is nice, but the syncopation is headache inducing.

More imaginative, Steve Goodie plays with Lennon’s ‘Merry Christmas (War is Over) in his “War on Xmas is Over.” A bit strident, but pretty.

More amusing, Talking Primate’s voice breaks on “Moron’s War on Christmas,” a ‘Holly Jolly’ take off that sticks the landing.

WHAT ELSE? FSM

Welcome to the Millennium. In 2006 Bobby Henderson wrote a book satirizing religion (and perhaps science) as being a bunch of post hoc ergo propter hoc. In The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster our new theory that a pasta based entity created all allows that disproving is harder than proving (see ‘Russell’s teapot‘). This oddness became the new freak flag for hipsters to wave, since they liked the beer-drinking, pirate-talking, colander-wearing nonsense it promoted. Have you been touched by His noodly appendage?

Patrick Rebun and friends (The Oufs) gives us our best introduction “Flying Spaghetti Monster” with appropriate grunge.

This belief-system is wide ranging (shoutouts on South Park, Futurama, and a CNN segment), so it has many holidays–not just a 12/25 translation. (Which would be “Noodlemas.”)

But gospel inventions include “Amazing Taste” by the Pastafarian Gospel Choir invading the Arkansas Society of Freethinkers. Can i get a Ramen! [Herein is the reason for the religion: to insert itself among the established rites that waste the time of our culture–heck, i ‘member doing that with other younguns who touted Oy Danky Goo as belief in everything and nothing.] Also comes the so-called Spaghetti Monster hisself with a “Pastafarianism Hymn.” Devotion of the ocean!

Time for the ‘caroldies’: “O Noodly Night” from Dogeyed Welders is pretty and charitable. Funny.

Barlow has a labor of love: “Carol of the Bells (FSM version).” These adherents go all out for their anti-identity.

[Ed. note: the Invisible Pink Unicorn competes for this demographic, but currently has no cool holiday carols.]

WHAT ELSE? Grieving Aires

Festivus has entered mainstream and been alluded to by news and newsmakers. Cue the Christmas carol parodies.

Randy Kemp of GCleph Musique has a ‘Holly Jolly’ sendoff “Holly Jolly Festivus” which is charming, but includes some vocalist’s argument like it’s a Chipmunk parody. And samples from the show. Too much.

Danny Lütz and Thierry Lavergne play off ‘Let It Snow’ with their “Official Festivus Song.” Bouncy and silly. Look up satire, guys!

Amateurish, but thoughtful: schoolteacher Daniel McGinley squeezes another song out of Sandler’s ‘Chanukah Song’ for his “Festivus Song.” Personal beats out professional for me. Ramshackle Life does this, too. It’s a purer parody, if you’re into that sort of thing.

Also recorded through a coffee can, Ashley of Helathy Addict dings ‘Carol of the Bells’ for “Carol of the Festivus.” All in one breath! Impressive!

It’s All Relative, parody

While they’re all singing regular Christmas carols, you’ll be mouthing these angry resentments under your breath. Tee hee, they have no clue!

Lisa and Brian O’Neill do a pretty slick job on the begging-for-it “The Most Dysfunctional Time of the Year.” Toe tapping cringe-worthy fun.

Vaguely similar to ‘No Place Like Home’ “Dysfunctional Family Holidays” from The Dysfunctional Family Band serves out warnings of the landmines relatives have waiting for you and yours. Country lite honky tonk.

’12 Days’ gets a folk to-do listing with “The Family Christmas Survival Guide.” Jennifer Knapp and Margaret Becker vent and rant with style.

It’s All Relative, alternatives

‘Sgotta be the Mom/Dad rigidity? Is their any wiggle room for what makes a family around the holidays? Well, welcome to the 21st!

Jess Domain & The Verve Jazz Ensemble sing about the “New Family Christmas” about how everyone at the party is family now. It even confounds Santa, that officious record keeper! Peppy (not sultry) jazz. Kickline!

Derek Ryan breathily praises “Friends are Family” with pursed-lip pop. Trying too hard to make up for something.

Justin Frech has exercised choice with his ‘Jingle Bells’ tuned “Internet Family.” Time online is bonding and makes you believe you can be a musician, too! (Sad.)

EX-Mas, reasons to get out

Christmas is a time for love, forgiveness, togetherness.

But let’s get real before the New Year hits us all the harder.

Joshua Gilyard leads the all-girl choir (Queen of Ratchet) to lecture your smitten face with “Your Man is a Bum.” (‘Drummer Boy’ parody, yeah.) Eyes open, ladies.