Category Archives: Caroldies (parodies of carols)

WAR! mock ’em if you got ’em

That last post reminded me about some carol parodies about our ‘War on Christmas’…

Finger pointing and ‘All I Want’ reworkings make me uncomfortable, so let’s flip through MistleThumb (Dong Crosby, Ebenezer Spooge, Manheim Cornholer, and Douglas Firburger, feat. Doodie Garland)’s “There a War on Christmas… with Jews.” It’s funny, right? Am i looking at this wrong? (BLUE ALERT)

More awful, Joe Hart clatters out “Happy Holidays” to ‘Jingle Bells.’ The list of alternatives is nice, but the syncopation is headache inducing.

More imaginative, Steve Goodie plays with Lennon’s ‘Merry Christmas (War is Over) in his “War on Xmas is Over.” A bit strident, but pretty.

More amusing, Talking Primate’s voice breaks on “Moron’s War on Christmas,” a ‘Holly Jolly’ take off that sticks the landing.

WHAT ELSE? FSM

Welcome to the Millennium. In 2006 Bobby Henderson wrote a book satirizing religion (and perhaps science) as being a bunch of post hoc ergo propter hoc. In The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster our new theory that a pasta based entity created all allows that disproving is harder than proving (see ‘Russell’s teapot‘). This oddness became the new freak flag for hipsters to wave, since they liked the beer-drinking, pirate-talking, colander-wearing nonsense it promoted. Have you been touched by His noodly appendage?

Patrick Rebun and friends (The Oufs) gives us our best introduction “Flying Spaghetti Monster” with appropriate grunge.

This belief-system is wide ranging (shoutouts on South Park, Futurama, and a CNN segment), so it has many holidays–not just a 12/25 translation. (Which would be “Noodlemas.”)

But gospel inventions include “Amazing Taste” by the Pastafarian Gospel Choir invading the Arkansas Society of Freethinkers. Can i get a Ramen! [Herein is the reason for the religion: to insert itself among the established rites that waste the time of our culture–heck, i ‘member doing that with other younguns who touted Oy Danky Goo as belief in everything and nothing.] Also comes the so-called Spaghetti Monster hisself with a “Pastafarianism Hymn.” Devotion of the ocean!

Time for the ‘caroldies’: “O Noodly Night” from Dogeyed Welders is pretty and charitable. Funny.

Barlow has a labor of love: “Carol of the Bells (FSM version).” These adherents go all out for their anti-identity.

[Ed. note: the Invisible Pink Unicorn competes for this demographic, but currently has no cool holiday carols.]

WHAT ELSE? Grieving Aires

Festivus has entered mainstream and been alluded to by news and newsmakers. Cue the Christmas carol parodies.

Randy Kemp of GCleph Musique has a ‘Holly Jolly’ sendoff “Holly Jolly Festivus” which is charming, but includes some vocalist’s argument like it’s a Chipmunk parody. And samples from the show. Too much.

Danny Lütz and Thierry Lavergne play off ‘Let It Snow’ with their “Official Festivus Song.” Bouncy and silly. Look up satire, guys!

Amateurish, but thoughtful: schoolteacher Daniel McGinley squeezes another song out of Sandler’s ‘Chanukah Song’ for his “Festivus Song.” Personal beats out professional for me. Ramshackle Life does this, too. It’s a purer parody, if you’re into that sort of thing.

Also recorded through a coffee can, Ashley of Helathy Addict dings ‘Carol of the Bells’ for “Carol of the Festivus.” All in one breath! Impressive!

It’s All Relative, parody

While they’re all singing regular Christmas carols, you’ll be mouthing these angry resentments under your breath. Tee hee, they have no clue!

Lisa and Brian O’Neill do a pretty slick job on the begging-for-it “The Most Dysfunctional Time of the Year.” Toe tapping cringe-worthy fun.

Vaguely similar to ‘No Place Like Home’ “Dysfunctional Family Holidays” from The Dysfunctional Family Band serves out warnings of the landmines relatives have waiting for you and yours. Country lite honky tonk.

’12 Days’ gets a folk to-do listing with “The Family Christmas Survival Guide.” Jennifer Knapp and Margaret Becker vent and rant with style.

It’s All Relative, alternatives

‘Sgotta be the Mom/Dad rigidity? Is their any wiggle room for what makes a family around the holidays? Well, welcome to the 21st!

Jess Domain & The Verve Jazz Ensemble sing about the “New Family Christmas” about how everyone at the party is family now. It even confounds Santa, that officious record keeper! Peppy (not sultry) jazz. Kickline!

Derek Ryan breathily praises “Friends are Family” with pursed-lip pop. Trying too hard to make up for something.

Justin Frech has exercised choice with his ‘Jingle Bells’ tuned “Internet Family.” Time online is bonding and makes you believe you can be a musician, too! (Sad.)

EX-Mas, reasons to get out

Christmas is a time for love, forgiveness, togetherness.

But let’s get real before the New Year hits us all the harder.

Joshua Gilyard leads the all-girl choir (Queen of Ratchet) to lecture your smitten face with “Your Man is a Bum.” (‘Drummer Boy’ parody, yeah.) Eyes open, ladies.

ReduXmas: As Seen on TV

One of the worst topics to research was original holiday songs on television shows. Traditional carols pile up (sung by the stars!), and occasional alt-rock gems get discovered as background music on young peoples’ shows (The CW network). And Thank God for cartoons. I ran searches for individual programs on Youtube (Gunsmoke+Christmas+song) forever and ever. Nobody has their own blog on this topic than i can tell. It’s a lost cause, i tells ya!

Preferring the scripted terrain, i never went so far as to open it up to the late night shows who really go to town on the novelty Christmas song trope. Let’s stretch here…

Darlene Love adds vocals to “Christmas Time for the Jews” on SNL back in 2005, a soul sister testimonial that non-Christians can take over for one day while everything is closed for the observant. Hey now!

Also SNL (the year 2000), a song that scored near endless updates “I Wish It was Christmas Today,” rock nonsense from Horatio Sanz, Jimmy Fallon, Chris Kattan, and Tracy Morgan. Okay fine bye.

Saturday Night Live‘s ugly stepchild MADtv had a couple of bits worth a mention. Canada’s comic folk chroniclers Corky and The Juice Pigs bluesify “Christmas Drunken Alibi.” Didn’t mean it, baby! Actual cool blues from Harry Connick Jr (seriously) as a guest fronting “(It Must’ve been Ol’) Santa Claus.” Nice.

Jimmy Kimmel likes some odd songs, too. He joined The Killers on his show for a wonderful alt-bitofun “Joel, the Lump of Coal.” This time the punishment is the present.

A seriously sad rockblues number from James Cordon wallows in what happens “When Christmas is Over.” Peace out.

Stephen Colbert is also not ascared of musical pieces. He won an 2010 Grammy from his old show’s musical holiday ep, including the song “A Cold, Cold Christmas,” heartbroken country humor of some considerable range. In his new show he tried to contrast jolly “Jingle Jingle (Santa Party)” silly pop singing with the angry rap of political topicality. More recently he penned supposedly the worst Xmas song of all time. “Christmas is Now” (feat. Norah Jones) soft pops repetition to madness.

Finally, let’s allow for the most tangential of topics–British holiday commercials, sung about by Adam Buxton (Dr. Buckles) in “Television Ads at Christmas” to the tune of ‘Rudolph.’ A bit esoteric, but fun.

ReduXmas: Wrap the Rainbow

Get your adult coloring books out! Purple Christmas and orange Christmas and grey Christmas–it’s all in song!

Kick off with a bang. Grammarchist gets political with “Mr. Red Christmas” a Communist take on the ‘Year Without’ groovy tune. Make allowances for the experimental nautre of it all and we’ll be fine.

Gary Wu’s “Red Sleigh” is a pretend metal tribute to urban carnage in Santa’s name. Oh, you.

Dr. BLT addresses crop failure with his “Orange Christmas.” We’ll allow it, because of the funkiness therein.

And then he comes back with “That was Before Our Christmas Turned Blue.” The blues. Duh.

Marvin Gaye soothes our blues with “Purple Snowflakes.” Yes, it’s better than John Legend doing it. (Too pretty.)

Back to Dr. BLT with the best in color. “Black Santa” is a spoken word-rapped ‘White’-backed racially tense situation, diffused with humor.

ReduXmas: Chust Chanukah

My first few months of noveltychristmasmusic.com were punctuated with sidebars for other holidays: Halloween, Veterans’ Day. Thanksgiving, and the Festival of Lights. Man there’s fecund soil for cool tunes in the Hebrew observations (and wotta sense of humor)!

Few original songs about this holiday, the celebrators like their parodies of hit songs made jewtiful. As introduction, we should take The Bob and Tom Show with a grain of kosher salt for their “Goyisha Hanukkah.” Okay–funny. Or the weirder “Hanukkah Harry’s Revenge” by Shark Uppercut. Harsh rhythm, random sense.

Six13 finally get around to a Jewish ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’ with “Bohemian Chanukah.” Bonus points for the Hebrew subtitles. But the a cappella acting out the instruments they vocalize deducts these points. And it’s full length. (Not necessarily a good thing when it’s so serious.)

The kids from the Shul at Bal Harbor parody ‘Gangnam’ with “Chanukah Style.” It’s also all out.

Vocally unrepressed Mor Efrat Bitton takes on Sia’s ‘Chandelier’ with her “Hanukkah.” Help me here: are Dunkin’ Donuts goy? Are they the bad thing?

Out of the Wayback Machine Ray Brenner and Barry Blitzer laffitup 1967 style with the minority concerns of Hanukkah during The Holidays with “The Problem” (a minute and a half of funny ‘Jingle’ parody with some news commentary shtick).

Jinkx Monsoon & Sherry Vine get parody traditional with “Hanukkah, O Hanukkah” a fabulous redo that queers the deal.

Let’s get our money’s worth with Smooth E (he’s back!) with “8 Hanukkah Parody Songs in Four Minutes“! (‘Burn Down the Wax’/Turn Down For What – DJ Snake and Lil Jon; ‘Menchy’/Fancy – Iggy Azalea feat. Charlie XCX; ‘One More Latke Without You’/Problem – Ariana Grande; ‘Gimmel’/Timber – Kesha and Pitbull; ‘Grandma Wanda’/Anaconda – Nicki Minaj; ‘(C)HAN(N)UK(K)A(H)’/Shake It Off – Taylor Swift; ‘Jappy’/Happy – Pharrell; ‘All About That Eight’/All About That Bass – Meghan Trainor) A bit low key without the usual studio quality, AND it’s FIVE minutes long. But the boy’s got it.

The parody of all parodies (today) will dare to mock Adam Sandler with “The Shiksa Song.” Yuval (kindofa Kosher Borat) enumerates the joys of goyas (sortof naughty, but really a nice boy). Check this out.

Licking Candy Canes (BLUE ALERT)

A lot of thought goes into a Christmas blow job, at least guys never stop thinking about it. So call out the reindeer: On Deepthroat, and Biter, and Blower, and Kissit; on Gobbler, and Hummer, and Sucker, and Chewedit. But have you heard this one?

Nocturnal Emissions seems to tip the junk to ‘Battle Hymn of the Republic’ with their “Christmas Blow Job,” a finger-poppin’ pop rock song that argues the economics and practicality of the gift.

Jenny Talia answers the husband’s wish list with the resigned R+B rocker “Christmas Blowjob.” It’s a bit sad.

Matt Rogers puts the X in explicit with his ‘Jingle Bells’ whackoff: “Suck on My Cock.” This gets passed around quite a bit on the internet, if you’re wondering what the internet is for. I may have blushed myself.