Category Archives: Caroldies (parodies of carols)

Exchanging Presents (BLUE ALERT)

What ELSE is in our stockings of perverted parodies for Christmas?!

To get you OUT of the mood, The Midnight Beast from UK sends up ‘All I Want’ with “How to Get a Xmas…” (fuck buddy). Not bad. Not Good.

Maci Sumcox gets twisty queen queer with “Fuckin’ Him by the Christmas Tree.” Brenda Lee would watch this.

Ron and the Rude Boys have that kind of party album with songs like “We Wish You a Hump at Christmas.” Boys cavorting with words they learned at school.

Thoughtful, but untalented, Vinceland dares us to “Let Us Fuck.”

Talented, but unconscionable, John Valby does up “Favorite Things” past the limit. (Mr. V has many more obscene Xmas funnies, but i can’t stand more than one at a time.)

Ordblid backtracks us to the “Horny Christmas” but metals ‘White’ nicely. Nicely twicely.

Kevin Bloody Wilson brings us back to Santa for the aw gee whiz “New Christmas Song.” Sing along if you have absolutely no scruples. Ew.

Regifting (BLUE ALERT)

Santa’s sexy, we know that. Let’s get downtown to business and perform on the old guy.

Many parodies rejoice in Madlibbing naughty words into the traditional Christmas songs and rolling in the gales of laughter. A couple might be worth note.

The obvious (overdone) number here is ‘I Saw Mommy.’ This includes “Blowing” (Jesus Penis getting punk metal) (also Matt Rogers doing the Springsteen), “Licking Balls” (Funt Cart’s party karaoke) (also Smokestack Crew just a little more flirty off key), “Fisting” (thecircleofjerks barely harmonizing), “Banging” (Ironsnake jolly rocking The Boss) (also Helgrammites just rocking), and “Fucking” (Aanyl Pane with an odd alt-experimental number) (also Bo even odder and retro weird) (also Suicide Saints with a more traditional children’s obscene feel). Whew.

Jezebel goes all in with “F**k Me Santa” taking just a few extra steps beyond ‘Santa Baby’s eroticism.

False Unconvincing Choral Kleptos (BLUE ALERT)

A moment for the mimetic. Can a parody survive scrutiny by dropping the F-bomb into serious song? Let’s find out.

Big deal songwriter (Katy Perry collaborator) Bonnie McKee does just this with “Have Yourself a Merry Fucking Christmas.” See if you can slip this into shared ipod rotation at work during the holidays.

Upbeat (near metal) parody “I %!S#ing Hate This Winter Wonderland” lip serves the original with some punk posturing.

More comically, John Ploskina kvetches “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Fuck This.” Less family whiney, more apocalypso, Justin Libigs of Relatively Haunted does this twist wicked.

“Who the Fuck is Emanuelle?” by Circus Pig! only reinterprets a classic hymn with industrial raspy rock. But, you gotta admit… that’s novel.

HATE Xmas.27

And then, tragedy. Bad things happens all year round. When associated with 12/25, Christmas stinks.

Such a tale of woe from The Bob and Tom Show, “I Hate Christmas” is the fate worse than death. But funny, y’know. BLUE ALERT

Perhaps this is the end of a particularly abominable year. David Lea descends into madness with his “Happy Christmas” pop celebration. Don’t you go that way. Not you.

Set It Off overreacts to the extreme with “This Christmas (I’ll Burn It to the Ground).” ‘Tis the season to kill them all. Lively melodic punk.

“Death to the World” has been on the blog before. H.P. Lovecraft Historical Society knows how to hate on Christmas. Submit.

Back to the goons of Something Awful. Thaumocrates delivers “Last Christmas”–not as nostalgic Wham! whimsy, but as the ever lovin’ Armageddon. No more Christmasses–that’s all, folks! Experimental psychedelia over ‘Carol of the Bells.’

Sick of Christmas: syphilis

Here’s a popular throwback to the thrilling days of barebackin’ holiday hookups.

“Rockin’ Around the Syphilis Tree” is a curiosity from Andy and Mandy which wants to make up in timely girl-vengeance what it lacks in talent and cleverness. Jasmyn Neubert is a bit wittier if no more professional in “Syphilis Sucks” (to the same tune).

Steve Juno goes high with “I Got Syphilis for Christmas.” Not high road, it’s more finger pointing. But his pop warbling is pretty up there.

“It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Syphilis” is awfully catchy. Renee Belsky is a med student with a pokey sense of fun. John Valby does his coarse, crude homophobic thing. The Fabulous Four Skins get us a bit more medical again with their barbershop quartet remonstrating.

Sick of Christmas: crabs

A couple days here to celebrate “STDs under the Christmas Tree,” ‘cuz this holy time of year sex and all its consequences rear ugly heads. Hosana, grab the ointment! (And note the bravery of Beefus in their reprise to our blog.)

Wane Fawesome sends up ‘Jingle Bells’ with “Itchy Balls.” The whole gory story’s here. Brace yourself, there’s cartoon sex. (Seen this before, as well. But it’s so euphemistically raunchy, gotta readminister.)

Sick of Christmas: cirrhosis

Many nurses, interns, and med students are creative, ADHD busy bees. They make fun videos to blow off steam, or–in this case–educate with catchy mnemonics songs.

Simple Nursing has impressed me with the diagnostic tool “Beginning to Look a Lot Like Cirrhosis.” It’s well done, fun, and smart. You might learn something.

Sick of Christmas: Santa [sic]

The Big guy has all year to rest and relax (relatively). What if he’s come down with sumpin THAT day?!

The Crystalairs doo wop the cool outta “Santa’s Sick.” Hypothetically, right?

Not much about these guys except this poppin’ 45: Dick & Richard present “Santa Caught a Cold on Christmas Eve.” Dig that bamboo piccolo.

Home strumming from Terry Lingwood. “The Christmas Eve that Santa Got the Flu” sounds like a cautionary folk tale. Well, be prepared always works.

Let’s get historic just for a bit. “Santa’s Got the Swine Flu” by Tom Latourette returns us to the thrilling days of yester-oh-nine when we freaked out that The Pandemic would end us. Or at least, Mr. Claus. (To the tune of that ‘Dreidel’ song.)

Sick of Christmas: influenza

Influenza can be influential on your holiday joy. What could be worse? (We’ll find our tomorrow.)

Bubble Gum Becky from Mighty Magical Pants tells us nothing could be worse than the “Flu on Christmas.” Gift over!

Right Between the Ears parodies ‘Blue’ with “Flu for Christmas.” Stage frightening.

Prophylactically, nurses from Barnet and Chase Farm Hospitals lip sync to the parody “I Don’t Want a Christmas with Flu” sung by Jennifer Redston. Fun-lovers, yeah, they want you to get shot. (Um, a shot.)

ELFIS also warns “I Want an H1N1 Shot for Christmas.” Swine Flu phobia, much. It’s a ‘Hipopotamus’ take off.

‘Course Bob Rivers delivers with his ‘Sleigh Ride’ parody “Flu Ride.” Classy coughing routine.

Sick of Christmas: mucus music

Stuffed noses are not stuffed turkeys. ‘Snot nice around the holidays.

Beth McDonald has a “Snotty Christmas Song” just for you young parents. Noni Dolphin does this a bit better.

Zetallon Gaming follows with more parody of carols via “‘Tis the Season to be Snotty.”

Since these are all childish, silly, overly broad descents into tomfoolery, let’s feature the one with the nose-blowing sfx: “Rudolph the Runny-Nosed Reindeer” by Bartok Music (no one’s taking credit for this).