Tommy Lee Sparta liquifies the English language with his Jamiacan rap “Shelly Christmas.” This rabbit hole of crime/violence drills deeper and deeper. Nothing merry gwan awn hyere. Call 119! (Emergency Services for Jamaica). [Shelly might be some Olympian trek star from the island, dunno.]
Month: May 2022
Christmas Countdown: 120
Fortune Kit lays his rap lines for pop purposes in “Silly Santa’s Christmas Kisses.” Hot rodding (I’m doin’ 120, they told me to pull over the sled), drugging (I got a pile of snow like Bobby Brown and Whitney), minor crimes (Santa’s Bringing Christmas cards that expired last year), and more (Crooked cops lookin’ at Donner and Blitzen like yiff yiff)–! Maybe there won’t be a Christmas next year….
Christmas Countdown: 123
Sometimes the first three digits aren’t the beginning, just a configuration.
Kayla Perez re-roots us to the original material (Matthew 1:23) in the swaying “The Best Gift.” Rafters vibrated, if not raised.
It’s easy as 1-2-3 to observe Christmas for Apostle in the oompah-pop “More Than a Beauty.” Kicky. Catchy.
MxPx’s “Christmas Party” occurs at 123 Sycamore. Punk hi jinx. Weee!
KC Star (feat. Avery Bruce) overplay the pop syncopation to achieve a anxious look-out for Santa. Get comfy in my bed, hey, maybe count some sheep (1-2-3) instructs “A Christmas Carol?” Confused? So are the closeted artists.
‘Nuttin’ for Christmas’ anchors “I’m Working Retail for Christmas.” We Are the Union enacts the rude shoppers (“1-2-3 pick it up pick it up”) as well as the sad stockers (I’ll gladly move if you just say “please”). Rollicking punk.
Christmas Countdown: 1… 2… 3…. [BLUE ALERT]
Kicking off a kick-ass carol might begin with a ‘count up.’ A one anna two anna–take it away Lawrence Welk–!
Kelly Clarkson begins “Winter’s Dreams (Brandon’s Song)” with staccato vibrancy. But it’s all pop/love treacle. Ho, ho hum.
Even more pop, K-pop in point of fact, Wa$$up toggle ‘twixt languages for their “Jingle Bell.” But the 1,2,3 let’s go is serious this time.
1,2,3 go intros the silky rap (oddly to ‘Winter Wonderland’) “I Saw Mommy Kissing Sacramento Santa.” There’s a 916 Sacramento area code reference in there, too–but Big TL gives us very soft-core blue language. So, for MOST of the family.
But 1,2,3 Go! needs some (punk) rock for true trajectory. So, “Socks for Christmas” from The Wish You Weres is a contentious (hence, BLUE ALERT) reaction to the bourgeois platitude that is the gift-without-thought. Well… GO!
Christmas Countdown: 1.27
Whiny millennial alt-rock from SayWeCanFly bemoans “Merry Christmas, I Miss You.” They meet-cute at a coffee shop where she baristas him a double shot for $1.27 (is this 1963?), but it don’t add up. So he’s wailing about waiting for you just to call me. Phew, that’s lonely.
Christmas Countdown: 143
Big Shaq tortures some rhymes with a Caribbean twist in “Daily Duppy.” This Christmas party veers all over from getting back a Santa cussing out his mom, to spilled drinks, to Fly your girl like Concorde
143 on the dashboard. Uh oh.
Christmas Countdown: 150
Now for something a little bit different. Charlie Stout hammers out a hardcore juke-joint ballad to “The Last Rattlesnake in All of West Texas.” This country corrida spledorizes a bad mama-jama what pokes his head out of his hole on a Christmas morning (115 degrees), feels his oats (no F-150s in sight), and takes a bite of a passing tornado. Tune in to find out what happens next….
Christmas Countdown: 151
Bob Rivers satirizes the David Bowie/Bing Crosby harmony on ‘Little Drummer Boy’ with “Rummy Rocker Boy.” Here a (perhaps dead) Bing teams up with a metal-rocker (Roach from the band Vomit) to drink and sing and drink. The banter includes: Now be careful son that is 151, so we know it’s the real Bacardi.
Christmas Countdown: 163
Not to shy away from the super-odd, “Rap, Clap, Slap” is the electronically distorted not quite fluent in English slightly Christmas themed rando-rap from Lars Epsensen, ending with the dutiful that was 163 words.
Christmas Countdown: 173
The Stupendium is back with “A Very Scary Christmas,” another minor key holiday visit with horror monsters from pop culture–including SCP-173, the concrete killer from the ‘SCP-Containment Breach’ video game. This guy has got some musical chops, so elevate expectations and try this.