Christmas Countdown: 1-900

In “The Greatest Gift” The Christmas Cards seem to think the baby Jesus was born 1900 Christmastimes ago. Or was it something Emperor Trajan did then? This whistling folk plonker shoulda stuck with the gifts at 6, 7, and 11. They were more entertaining.

Back in the 1980s the 1-900 phone lines were money-makers for Hulk Hogan and New Kids on the Block. You could get an insult, a joke, or a prayer a day for a few extra dollars on your phone bill. But, as with the internet afterwards, sex ruined everything. Matt Rogers’s “Have Yourself a 1-900 Christmas” should explain the scam if you can’t see it coming. Oh yes, and BLUE ALERT. Kids get permission.

Glad to listen to Krista Detor again. “One Too Many Christmases” explores what’s she’s got for the holidays–that loser with one too many charges to 1-900-HONEY. She’s through with that, though, the hot country beat proves it. Heave ho ho ho, bro.