We may have mentioned the criminal aspect of Xmas, but as a reminder: CRIME DOESN’T GET PRESENTS.
Lulu Belle and Scotty from the late 1930s regale us with the tale of the lightfingered poor daddy, “The Empty Christmas Stocking.” This old country swing is no ‘Christmas Shoes’ (Thank God), but it does tug at the purse strings. [For something a little more 21st, allow the Celtic regrouping by Misty River.]
Sometimes all we notice is what’s NOT there. It’s Christmas. There’s all the trimmin’s. But where the presents should be– well, not those.
Someone took a talented performance from Mr. Peter of a fine looking congregation somewhere and edited the bajeebers out of his “Nothing at All for Christmas” so that it becomes only a list of what you don’t get. No rhyme. No season. Just friendly gospel show tune.
I have no idea how to introduce or credit “Empty Box 4 Christmas.” This ‘Vince Coletta Project’ (wasn’t he a comic book artist?) stumble-raps a sad story about what this howler got (or didn’t) for Christmas.
De Postman jams a slasa carib with “Nothing for Me.” No questions nor angry accusations, only a big fat nada.
Is Xmas about the presents? You know better than to fall into that trick question trap. What should you really be into for the holidays? Well, imma tell you:
Lil B gets what for from his mama in “No Presents,” a rap battle of mediocre proportions. I do hope he learns to lessen.
The Sowell Family bands together for bluegrass and preachin’ in “It’s Not Christmas.” Turns out presents are the least of your hopes. No tree, nor snow, nor–i’m not sure but maybe not even–family matters. You better pray you figure out what does.
Pony Death Ride lands on what’s important with their “Nothing Beats Old People at Christmas.” No specifically eschewing gifts (they didn’t get you any bc they ‘thought you would be dead’), this BLUE ALERT irony must be heard, because millennials.
Oh the songs you could hear if you searched nothing-for-Christmas with the-one-you-love. I can’t bring myself to put you through all that. So let’s stick our toe into the muck just a millimeter. (I can do that to you.)
She can’t sing (or make English) but Nubia Rose shakes what her sugar daddy bought her with “I Want Nothing for Christmas,” a poor pop pooper of impropriety. Phbbt.
Group pop chanting from New Found Glory takes sappiness and bro-s it up into “Nothing for Christmas.” Men’s chorus hollering I got what I wanted just comes off creepy these days, guys. A more perky variant from the ABC Jugband, their “Nothing for Christmas” becomes a folk-pop plea to troth togetherness for the Advent, please. Love me some toy piano.
Another one of those my-gift-is-my-song numbers actually brightens the post with some nice backbeat. “Poor Excuse (Merry Christmas)” from The Silver Bells rocks lightly into our night.
I dig the party bop of “Nothing But the Bells On” from Fashionable Glasses. This late-night goth club ’90s bit o’ darkness refers to how this non-believer only wants You without the usual vestments… [see title].
Darren Parry jumps the shark on “Don’t Need Nothing Else This Christmas.” Not with the lounge-tastic country treacle here, but the fan-fueled video gifs strung together into an ah-may-zing video. Do they love the song/Are they making fun of the song?! Who cares!