Month: September 2019

Dependent Claus: rolling pin time

A woman can only take so much of being shoved into the shadows. Mrs. Claus boils over (and other kitchen metaphors for mad) with the following top tunes.

Slightly irked, Sandy Schaeffer Bergeson rails with pop song in “Mrs. Santa’s Song.” But the responsibilities correlate with the resentment, so that by song’s end she’s ready to pop.

Ballad rock’n’roll from The Miss’s lays down the law on that jolly layabout in “Mrs. Claus.” Pretty venom.

“Claus vs. Claus” is the N.Pole Bickersons from J.D. McPherson. This cool cat has the finger poppin’ discursive dialogue from the Clauses in which all is aired and possible resolutions are described. Mmm!

Dependent Claus: overlooked

The honeymoon’s over and the man gets comfortable and the woman is simply expected to super-perform. Santa how could you treat your mate this way?

Laying into the loungey torch number, Colin Farish makes a drinking song out of “Mrs. Claus.” (Take a sip for each taken-for-granted ‘who.’) [Who does Sinatra better? Try Russ Lorenson‘s?] [Maybe a Mel Torme take?! Benn Bacot silver fogs this same bit.] [Lua Hadar wrenches pathos from this one.]

From the back of that one jazz club you haven’t heard of croons Fleur Seule with a killer band backup. “Everyone Forgets about Mrs. Claus” is mediocre music, but the vibe is cool.

Dependent Claus: waiting up

Take a sleeping draught and celebrate having the bed all to yourself, woman! What’s with all the moaning!? Another round of (party-style this time) weepie tunes about Missus Claus missing the Mister.

“The Sad Saga of Mrs. Claus” gets the gospel-sized R+B treatment from E. Faye Butler. This roof-raiser got me apologizing for things i never did to the little woman, but hang in there for that final ‘SCREW YOU!’

The Bandana Splits girl doowop “It’s a Lonely Night for Mrs. Claus.” There there, madam, rama lama ding dong.

Dependent Claus: not home yet

Santa’s home most of the year, but the pity brush carves a wide swath over his lovelorn lassie. Is it so sad that she’s home alone once in a while? You be the judge.

Singing the blues with folk tenderness Hannah and Maggie sympathizes with “Mrs. Claus.” The offer of lesbianism might be going too far.

Darlene Como warbles some drug-addled vision of the earthbound spouse wondering about the rocket powered bread winner in “Thank You, Mrs. Santa Claus.” What the alt?

Brotherly Love doowops the bejeepers out of “Mrs. Claus.” Their soulful concern borders on the creepy, but it’s still pretty sad.

Bang the drum slowly. The Silver Bells super slow drawls out the folk rock “Letter from Mrs. Claus” begging the big guy to please come home. Whoa.

“Are You Lonely Tonight, Mrs. Claus?” tremulously inquires Dan Wilson with pop tenderness. Here we learn why not being with your favorite person on this of all nights is so heart breaking.

Dependent Claus: working late

As Mrs. Claus evolves, she’s hashtagged neglected because the Saint of the house is gone for 24 hours one day of the year. (Wait, given the rotation of the earth, and the length of the solticial night… is he gone 30 hours… 36?)

Cornball country from Skip Ewing asks the patient matron not to cry with his dismissive “Mrs. Santa Claus.” Later is good enuf, y’know. [Jim Jensen makes this one more middle of the road. Adding insult to injury.] [The Oak Ridge Boys make this some big ho ho joke. Beer better be open by the time you bring it!]

Singing the blues with funky raw blues, The Eerie county Monster Hunters do not sugarcoat “Mrs. Claus’s Blues.” She’ll be alone this Christmas, tho i picture her smokin’ and drinkin’ and cheatin’ at solitaire while doin’ so.

Short Term Memory lays out the whole sordid abandonment issue with “Mrs. Claus Has the Blues for Christmas.” Sultry jazzy blues. Stranded woman ahead!

Dependent Claus: housework

Most of us know Mrs. Santa Claus from her list o’ chores. Certainly when Nat King Cole sang “Mrs. Santa Claus” back in 1953, the definition of the homemaker was the housework done.

We should know better over the decades, but just about the time of the Millennium Hal Willis also presents the mindless domesticity of “Mrs. Santa Claus,” a pop country salute to the jolly house-slave.

Overlong and undertalented, Bob ‘The Music Doctor’ Blake’s “Mrs. Santa Claus” offers the least appreciation for all she does.

Talented but old, The Olympics meld an unfortunate elctro-beat into their soul touting how “Without Mrs. Santa Claus” the shopping might not get done.

Let’s leave it at the twinkly punk cover of NKC’s “Mrs. Santa Claus” from A Proper Kiss. The sassy dirge-like pronouncement of the lyrics adds the irony i was looking for. Thank you.

Dependent Claus: toasting

Being the wife of the big guy is NOT a thankless job after all. Let’s sing our cheers to the deserving doyenne of polar domesticity.

Swinging kids add a churchy urgency to R+B in “Let’s Hear It for Mrs. Claus.” Beauregard Youth Choir seems to color inside the lines, however, and i’m not hearing sincerity only harmony–great harmony.

Other children’s music includes “Mrs. Santa Claus (When It’s Christmas Time)” by Lucas Ciliberti. Lively listing, but middle of the road musically.

Sherry Hursey kicks off the chant in “Thank You, Mrs. Santa Claus.” The best she seems to do in this kidsong, however, is support the Mr.

Acknowledging the underappreciated qualities Jessie Farrell swings some country for her “Mrs. Claus.” When this chanteuse asks ‘give her a round of applause’ she sells it, kids.

Let’s have a hand for “Mrs. Santa Claus” girl group The Quinto Sisters. These pixies made the TV variety circuit in the sixties and might still be ca-rooning through the Catskills today. Jumpy, catchy, pop rock hyper. [Alma Cogan debuted this number–1954–with gushy perk.]

Richard Knechtel’s “Thank You Mrs. Claus” is unassuming praise couched in jazzy folk fun. Matter-of-fact suits her wonderfulness.

Dependent Claus: connubial bliss

Not enough songs portray the happy ever after Mr. and Mrs. Claus share.

The classic here is the country old school twanger from George Jones and Tammy Wynette (we’ve played it before) “Mr. and Mrs. Santa Claus.” Here the old couple is held up as a gold standard for happy marriage. (No actual Santa wives are harmed in this song.) [Robin Vosbury & Linnea Fayard Allen add a powerful new guitar riff to this anthem.] [Shaun Loughrey & Carrie Benn make it more backbeaten rock’n’roll.]

Three Day Threshold (feat. Lyle Brewer) drop us a love letter “To Mrs. Claus from Santa.” Hard blue grass breakdown, but sweet as honey.

Bee bop rock delight from Guy Sherman details the why wherefore and how of that woman in “She’s Mrs. Claus.” The possible names are rostered as well. (Layla?) True love.

Diggin’ the shoobop soft rock of Del Zorros with “Mrs. Santa Claus.” Sounds like a party when the lights go off. Romantically so, don’t worry.

Dependent Claus: engaging

Mr. and Mrs. Santa Claus is such a mighty institution that we hardly give a thought to when he was single before.

But it’s a big world, someone has gotta pen that number.

Everybody knows “Santa Needs a Mrs. Claus” honky tonks Marjorie Michelle Rose with some suggestive wahwahs and train whistles. He’s just a man.

The Di Mara Sisters give us a behind the scenes in their paisano pop “Santa’s Italian Wife.” It’s cheesy in the tastiest way.

Soca from Brindley Benjamin travelogues the Caribbean with “Santa Looking for a Wife.” And maybe you too should shop Trinidad for your next significant other.

Dependent Claus: Jessica

Mrs. Claus was always presumed to be: as far back as the 1850s St. Nicholas was like the US President and bachelorhood was not fitting nor proper. Reverse engineering supplied her with duties (feed the elves, compile the list, brush down the reindeer) and a personality–which varied with the decades. Doting, persnickety, peevish, demanding, sexy suited the contemporary matriarch of the time.

Did she have a name?! By the mid-XX Century funny storytellers were willing to brand her with some moniker. I mean, come on, agreeing to a name would show the dame respect, like with Kris. (Saints Row IV from Volition mentions Mary–yikes! is JC their kid?!) (I guess Peanuts cartoons also use Mary, but then Samantha.) (Movies make use of the names Anya, Margaret, and Carol–ha! good one.)

Rankin and Bass ‘animagic’ TV specials from the ’60s call her Jessica. We’ve tried the “Wedding Day” song (S.D. Kluger) from their 1970 Santa Claus is Comin’ to Town. But check out her I’m-falling-in-love moment of pop song psychedelia “My World is Beginning Today,” sung by Robie Lester.