Year-round Yuletide oddities
POV switcheroo: what about the upside? The triumph of the dumper? The hidden joke of passive-relief? The whispered finally!
Savannah Smith unearths a tub of troubadour talent with her “Ex-Mas,” a bouncy folk bit about how she done ya, so there.
Cowardly country, “Break Up Before Christmas” addresses the creative economic advantages of not having to buy her a present if not together. Corey Hunt Band swaps commitment for drinking beer alone. It’s a helluva party… until three days later.
Had enough? Time for the courts to get involved? You’ve been served.
Servo’s “Christmas Divorce” is jumpin’ ‘billy garage hotness which i suspect is slightly holiday themed.
Such a cool irony, it’s now an improv sketch. Painful Whispers treat us to an off the cuff sort-of folk song “Christmas Divorce.”
Trey Stone & The Ringers bring it home with “I Want a Divorce for Christmas,” an Elvis-inspired rock cacophony of woe and badly baked cookies.
Oh, there’s a song or two about wanting my baby back for Christmas. Let’s touch on the treasure trove of time-travel wishes.
O.B. Buchana smooves the soul with “Santa Bring My Baby Back.” It’s almost hypnotic with insistency. Then there’s the deep bass Barry-White one-on-one with Santa at the end.
Girl rock from Glam Skanks also asks those who can to “Bring My Baby Back for Christmas.” More into the guitar solo than the romance, you ask me.
Country blues from Seckond Chaynce listing the wants/needs for Xmas. “Santa Just Brang Her Home” he drawls, just Jesus won’t.
Alexandra Lawerentz infuses pop into the country blues so all’s that’s left is pop. “Bring My Baby Back (for Christmas)” is just crying to the music. (The zombie reinterp video accompaniment is sufficiently odd enough to warrant a wink and a nod.)
Owen Adams goes easy listening with a soft pop “Christmas Wish” hoping she’ll come back. This is the cornpone you’ve been looking for.
Shock reverberates after such trauma. Didn’t see it coming… couldn’t be at a worse time… what the fa-la-la–la-la…?
Merrill Leffman divas into the disbelief with “Dumped Before Christmas.” Her confusion is only surpassed by her tonelessness.
Followin’ her to her rendezvous, Big Yayo slathers on the soulful blues with “She Left Me for Christmas.” She wha? He wha? They wha? Damn.
Static Monsters bring back the talent with an alt-pop “Just Got Dumped” that slides effortlessly into metal, then back. This is the roller coaster of repercussions, so hang on.
The stages of grief over losing your love include bargaining.
Harmonic blubbering from East 17 ruins the merries and jollies with “Stay Another Day.” Boy band emo. You’re embarrassing her, man.
More slick, still heart-on-sleeve, “Ex-mas Song” by Young Rog tries to imagine Christmas wivowt da two uvuss… ca’t do it! R+B slow roll.
More comically vis-à-vis Rudy Casoni pulls the Chairman of the Board schtick (coming off more like the King of Comedy) with “Sno’ Balls.” Suggestively waving what she’s leaving behind as she sashays out. (Not quite x-rated.)
What did you just say to me? You think you can do better? On Christmas!
Rancid fronts to their mates about “X-Mas Eve (She Got Up and Left Me).” The punk shouting represents the pain.
BLUE ALERT for the troof from Hannah Monds R+Bing “Ex-Mas.” You are off her list now.
Heteros don’t own commitment issues. Queers can spit all over the perfect coupling, at that time of year.
Adam Ray parleys his amateur snit at your cheatin’ ways with “The Ex Song.” It’s set to ‘Jingle Bells’ rather than addressing the holiday blow up. But it’s nasty.
David Pevsner gets showstopping with his naughty ultimatums in “Merry Ex-Mas.” You had it coming, you hussy!
The announcement for the Xmas break-up is traditionally quiet, with a slammed door for punctuation.
Way underplayed is the jazzy scat from Goldentusk. “I’m Breaking up with You for Christmas” calmly takes us through the presents, surprises, and exit. Almost missed it–
Matt Roach also strums matter-of-factly through the split. “Paralyzed” is the reaction to your rapidly vanishing backside, on Christmas day. But, this fine folk tale is not done. His emotional freezing will be matched with a physical similarity. Listen to find out why.
Before Braille more prettily drops the bombshell with graphic explanations. Alt crooning makes it worse.
Christmas is a time for love, forgiveness, togetherness.
But let’s get real before the New Year hits us all the harder.
Joshua Gilyard leads the all-girl choir (Queen of Ratchet) to lecture your smitten face with “Your Man is a Bum.” (‘Drummer Boy’ parody, yeah.) Eyes open, ladies.
Sure we’ve trundled through songs about mistletoe, love, and hookups. What’s next–? Oh, yeah. The destiny of promiscuity. <sigh> Ok, dawgs and bitches, let’s talk. You love that adrenaline shot of love (dopamine), but then you develop a resistance to the effects, and need a new drug. So shove off! Lookin’ past yo’ clingy ass!
Got it?
Scotty Sire raps out the plan. “Lonely Christmas” is the response to the about-to-plan. It hasn’t happened yet, but drama needs a stage. And he’s got some moves.
Still suspicious? Pick up his phone! More how-to from Joshua Gilyard presenting Queen of the Ratchet in “Ratchet of the Bells,” a BLUE ALERT lovely (near) a cappella tutorial on how to call him out in time for the holidays. Wrestle that, girl!
New Found Glory trounces Christmas as as bad as expected. And they’re dragging you through the blaming mud. It’s leading up to something pretty harsh in “Ex-Miss.” ’90s pop cruncher.