Some consideration of the primary sexual characteristics, before we smash ’em up for Christmas.
Starting with the crown jewels, then. You do know someone is gonna write a song or twenty about penises and Baby J’s birthday–don’t you?
Parodies of traditional carols muddied up with explicit content is a whole category. You’ll have to wait for that tedium… But ‘White’ gets a howlingly bad under-aged nympho cat screech with “Wide Penis” from Kwixotica. (Her channel also includes caroldies about pissing, shitting, and vomiting all over herself from partying too much.) George Takei is no better at this.
To redeem myself in your eyes, i submit Matt Mulholland’s “O Holy Night.” He conjured this song idea when he was thirteen and… well, please click on the link and be amazed. (His non-December related follow-up is worth the notice.)
Actually better than that, The Vandals bring unto us an original jolly pop folk number “Christmas Time for My Penis.” It’s melodic, sweet, and corny (not like a real penis at all).