Year-round Yuletide oddities
Xmas is a day x-ed off your calendar. B’fast, lunch, dinner may be mere suggestions.
In fact, no lunch guaranteed. Bah and the Humbugs dramatize this for the original Christmassers in “No Free Lunch.” This pop rock lesson mumbles, tumbles, and humbles. Get your perspectives straight, ya spoiled babies!
We were talking about fries the other day and i shoulda mentioned tuberous growths as a fine winter-time repast, ‘cuz they keep in the root cellar so long.
Nickelodeon’s Game Shakers cable show has a song about the “Reggae Potato Christmas.” It furthers the plot about 12-year-old video game millionaires and their shaky alliance with litigious rappers… or it just sets the black guy on fire. Something like that.
Slightly more authentic is the blues number “Cold Potatoes,” celebrating the best Half Deaf Clatch’s mam could do for the poverty-laden holidays.
Parry Gripp has figured out the formula for the classic novelty Christmas song: one parts odd, two parts odd. “Roy the Christmas Potato” helps Santa (spoiler alert) without being eaten. Bouncy childish fun.
No time for that banquet? Fast food for Christmas, baby.
The Fast Food Rockers don’t actually sing about fast food in their song “The Fat Food song (Festive Edition).” The original is the old camp song about the Bell, KFC, and Mickey Ds. This mentions turkey, but envelopes you in a hysterical hyperactive British shock treatment.
The seminal sensation in greasy high mass foods is “Ding, Fries are Done” originally from the Robert Lund album Elves Gone Wild 2003. While there have been so-called “ghetto” versions [BLEEPED BLUE ALERT], and “rap” take-offs, and even an “old world carolers” bit, the world knows this from the Family Guy show.
Another Christmas sandwich?! Holy hamburgers, Jesus!
Honorable mention to the end credits of the Sinbad movie ‘Houseguest’ wherein he and Phil Hartman sing holiday hamburger hymns. Hardee’s-har.
The Pork Guys get more visceral with their party punk “Rudolph Burger… Hold the Nose.” We’ve covered reindeer meat for Xmas feasting before, but the burger category is a little lean, so i submit this anthem of mayhem to warm your nights.
Jason Johnson goes full country parody topping off Alabama’s ‘Christmas in Dixie’ with pickles mayo for his “Christmas at Wendy’s.” This is what we here in R&D at novelty Christmas music dot com look for in prize playables from our lab to your home.
Did someone say Christmas sandwich? No? How about a Xmas taco?!
Tyler Conroy and his comical AcaTaco Bell car-load of friends serenades drive-thrus with his home-grown hits like the “Original Taco Bell Christmas Song” with such youthful self-amusement you may become impatient with his benign, cheerful prankishness. Or you could laugh along.
David P. Ford works hard at “Christmas Taco” as if it were a gift for a little girl. (It was.) The accented singing is a bit cringe-inducing, but it hits all the song basics.
Hot Dad has more fun with “A Taco Bell Christmas” while producing an actual song. Granted it’s more commercial than celebration of the holiday, but it’s catchy as any jingle. (The following year he added electronica for his cool ranch re-mex. Yeah, I like that one.)
For those of you easily bored, bread becomes a vehicle for meat and cheese delivery, a la the sandwich. Christmas sandwiches may not have much of a following… yet.
The Chris Gethard Show has celebrated ‘Sandwich Night’ for many years, and even goes so far as to compare it to the Yuletide. BLUE ALERT their “F*@k Christmas, I Wish It was Sandwich Night” is bellicose, but uses condiments. It’s a bit like ADHD filk singing.
Angry head banging from Metal Lunch celebrating in their own “Christmas Sandwich” way. It chokes me out.
A bit off topic, The Beacon Baptist Bahamanians mounted a holiday musical A Peanut Butter Christmas, featuring wishful Christmas targets like “A Peanut Butter Sandwich.” Kid fun–happy and in tune. Kudos.
Christopher Dennis is a bit more reverent with “The Christmas Sandwich Song,” a tale of the old world and this family’s labor of love. My, that’s tasty balladeering!
We tend to fill up with simple starches earlier in the day. (One of my beefs is that breakfast is usually flour or egg-related, it’s so limiting! Find me a restaurant that plates up cold pizza for breakfast and i’m there!) We’re not talking stollen or yulekage, friends, this is the staff of life, ‘kay?
Bread, naturement, is a metaphor for the Christ-baby (he will rise again). Chris Brunelle intones Bernadette Farrell’s “Bread of Life” in an empty church, making it less holy and more rehearsally.
Annie Moses Band sings more mournfully yet professionally with “Bethlehem, House of Bread.” It’s an angelic epic, but not actually bready.
Can’t find any bread in “Christmas Biscuits” by Mark Geary with Glen Hansard (he of the ‘Once’ motion picture academy award song) either. Just a reminder of peace and love.
John Wright gets creepy with his impression of a five-year-old in “Bread for Christmas.” His falsetto does the Birtha Da Blessed no favors here. I can’t tell if this is a cruel children’s sermon, or misguided ministry for the feeble. But i can’t stop listening.
The Oyl Miller Band of Portland OR have taken bread to a whole ‘nother symbolic level with “Happy Christmas Bread.” It seems to be some kind of odd family tradition here. The boys are in fine form and sing from the diaphragm, so God help them.
A little more breakfast for Christmas:
John Joyce is a self starter kid-rocker stylized as Poochamungas. His children’s music is simple guitar banging, but his songs are young-alt-rock. Try on “Santa’s Eating Pancakes.”
Breakfast and Christmas are so oxymoronic they spawn comedy bits, like Bredon M. Dennis’s “Merry Breakfast.” Yeah, i don’t usually post comedy.
Quick remention of Chuck Picklesimer’s “Reindeer for Breakfast for Christmas.” Can’t get enough of his subliminal video.
Waffle House takes the hot-cake when it comes to holiday hosting. Apparently their jukeboxes in some parts of the country features original Waffle House songs by ardent artistic regulars. So excuse the 12 Days bit (hate those) with “The Waffle House Twelve Days of Christmas” by Bill ‘the King’ Hoger. Even worse is another 12 Days “A Waffle House Christmas.” (At least they’re obvious enough to sub French toast for French hens.)
See, what we hope to have girded our gut for smells more like David A. Stephens with “Christmas at the Waffle House.” Banjo fun and melodic gutpunchery. Yeehaw.
Down home and honky tonking Hilton Walters belts out “Another Waffle House Christmas” like a troubled woman from the ‘Sixties spelling out female woes country style to the befuddled masses. Sling that hash, swing that smash.
Wake up Christmas, whaddya eat? Who cares–let’s have presents!
No, now, you know the rules, first a nutritious yet merry breakfast….
Ohh—-kay.
Nathan Puts is quite pleased with himself for his seven seconds of comedy in “Christmas Breakfast Song Ideas.” Okay fine bye.
Xmas morning eats are so underplayed, however, some of us crave breakfast when it’s all over. Merrym’n dolefully shake up the traditions with “I Want Oatcakes for My Christmas Dinner.” ‘Course that may be only because they’re Brits, and the only decent meal in the UK (the only meal not boiled) would be breakfast. A lugubrious rock ballad.
When you don’t have breakfast before presents, the repercussions may be dire. “Breakfast with Santa” by Fortress of Attitude foretells the cautionary tale of trouble by which may we all profit. I know it’s talky, but it’s worth it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rr74mrf7I40