Oh, you were hoping for disco moves that were COOL! Well, just a bit R+B, just a bit doo wop, “The Christmas Slide” is too cool for you, fool. The Winstons don’t waste time on cliche disco beats, they have a Real Dance here. Step to it or get off the dance floor–they’ll call it.
A number one most excellent disco song for this best of holidays must always be listened to “Rockin’ Disco Santa Claus” by The Sisterhood. Even grandma and grandpa–uh huh uh huh.
Let’s make it easy on you and do one of those 200 year old call-outs where the steps are explained to you. The Hokey Pokey hit the charts back in the ’80s as a popular foot mover, but you know it as kid line dancing
So… It’s Debbie Doo. It’s “Christmas Hokey Pokey.” I’m so ashamed. (But thorough: you also get “Reindeer Hokey Pokey” by The Kiboomers–that’s what it’s all about.)
The shimmy is a dance move wherein you hold your legs still then rotate axially along the vertebral column shaking your shoulders one at a time forward and back. It’s what strippers do to demonstrate their value, so i’m told.
The Embers point out the appropriate rock ‘n’ roll step with “Shimmy in a Winter Wonderland.” It’s a slight rock take off on the old standard, but it inspires.
The naughtier bits are unveiled by Julie Tussey with “Shimmy on Christmas Day,” It’s country/disco all in the name of love, man.
An kooky children’s version comes from Randy Sauer. “Shimmy Down the Chimney” can be danced to, but it’s a watcher’s guide how to tell who it is entering your house actually.
“Shimmy Down the Chimney (Fill up My Stocking)” by Alison Krauss combines the sultry with the uncomfortable. Look away. But do listen. I hear that disco again.
Some of the dance crazes out of the ’60s and beyond commanded their own music. Not too many got their own holiday reiteration.
“Do the Snowman” doesn’t mean what you think. It’s a call to dance. Figure it out. The Hollytones have an update for us.
The Crewcuts need a re-mention of their “Dance Mr. Snowman Dance” here. It’s more of a soft shoe, but–white guy scat!
TOUCH OF BLUE ALERT Completely misunderstanding the dance metaphors Ivor Bigguns goes nicely naughty with “You Can’t Have a Shag with a Snowman.” This modern music hall’s not about dancing any more, or is it?
The Bellrays have a handle on the art of the double entendre with their “All I Wanna Do is Shag for Christmas.” It’s definitely dance this time kids, kookie wookie boo-la-rah-rah.
MOR (middle of the road) rock is that symphonic pap you hear in the elevators. Why would you do that to the Beatles… oh, actually they did sound like that.
B’way has killed the musical genre, making most cool tunes sound the same. The cast of “The Drowsy Chaperone” mash sax and ‘ba-doo-wa’ out of doo wop goodness and into harmonious building, building, climax with “Rockin’ Christmas Angel.” Wipe your mouth.
Sha Na Na resuscitated rock for a nostalgic craze in the ’70s which left the door open for all manner of retread revisioning nonsense. Exhibit A: The Hollydays counting their paces through “Christmas Rock ‘N’ Roll.” It’s nostalgic like the Red Scare is nostalgic.
Kid music also has done what it could to ruin rock. The Wiggles desperately want you to sing along with their redundant mundane “Rockin‘ Santa.” Poor sound quality, too many long ‘o’s, nonsense.
Cutting out the (101 Strings) middleman, Bradley Gillis goes for the older crowd with his 1980s styled “Santa is Rocking.” If the band Chicago is rocking, so is this.