NO-EL VIS!

Sorry, but we’re not going through the dozens of covers, interps, and re-imaginings of that old thing (Elvis was NOT THE FIRST, by the way). No. No, no no. Not even if some of them are pretty damn amusing, like Seymour Swine and Benny Grunch.

Not that we’ll miss out on the sentimental mush: Kaitlyn Maher sings “My Blue Christmas” in a clip from that holiday classic Santa Paws 2. Go ahead and cry.

Yes, it’s mostly sad when you’re blue, but it doesn’t have to be! Blue skies, true blue, blue-eyes… even the dichotomy of blue blood/blue collar happens more often than once in a blue moon!

Blue can mean cold. (Well, i’ve already shared my favorite “Blue and Cold” Christmas tune by Versus the World last 4/11/16.) She’s dead, man.

And sometimes it’s just a color–a sports team color, that is! Jeremiah Rufini cheers “Make My Blue Christmas Green” about his hockey team. No, hang on, that still means blue = sad, Dammit.

Squidbillies’ own Stuart Daniels Baker, better known as Unknown Hinson, puts a darkly comic edge on classic country, viz. his “Black and Blue Christmas” which is about classic domestic violence. Go ahead and not laugh.

“Red, White, and Blue Christmas” by George Pardo and J. Gale Kilgore should be getting us pumped and patritoic, but the creepy children’s electric organ and tambourine make me down as down can be.

Jamie Rickers, a UK TV personality, has concocted a “Blue Santa” in order to challenge our limited view of the jolly old elf’s sartorial selections. Sadly, this gem of an idea leads nowhere.

Well, we best embrace the drear. Rheal LeBlanc goes country depressed after some kind of break up with his “Blue Christmas Tree.” Ole.

Buck Owens country croons “Blue Christmas Lights” competing with the steel guitar for longest held note, or the best imitation of weeping.

Also extending the color by tearing open the wrapper a bit is Wayne Newton with “Blue Snow at Christmas.” He’s lonely, danke very much.

This tinkly thoughtful honky tonker is not to confused with the country crooner “Blue Snowfall” which was made into a commercial recording by George Morgan, but i prefer the pretty pairing of Johnny Mathis and Lorrie Morgan. It soars and swoops and begs to be made into a montage.

Fighting the blues, Natalie Cole answers back with “No More Blue Christmas.” She’s gonna stand up and be empowered with her ’70s soul, you doubters! Represent.

In fact, let’s leave The Blues (and Bluegrass for that matter) to their respective genres and explore them more later.

And yet, Miles Davis beats the nik out of “Blue Xmas (To Whom It May Concern),” a frosty jazz rap from the ’50s full of vitamin hep and what’s cool for ya.